How to Keep a Marriage Going After He Cheats

So you know your spouse has been cheating and you want to confront him and her. How can you do this without losing him. With dignity. Without blame. There are many reasons that spouses stray. Try to be honest and search your heart for the reason your marriage is in trouble.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• An open mind
• Solid proof that your mate has been cheating. It can't just be a suspicion.
• An outline of what you want to say to both parties.
• Most of all a cool head.

1. 1. The first thing you want to do is sit and think of how this is going to be handled. It is hard not to be emotional, but by all means you want to be able to discuss this void of that emotion. Make sure that this is something that you want to do. Marraiges can survive infidelity, but only if they are strong to begin with. So sit down, get a piece of paper and write the pros and cons of your marraige. If the con side is longer than the pros you need to seriously evaluate your relationship.
2. Step 2. If you've evaluated the marraige and decide you must confront the other woman and your husband wait awhile. It is important that you speak to both of them and not necessarily together, with your mind and not your heart. They need to know the facts. The feeling that you have for your husband. What he stands to lose and what he hoped to gain from his extra-marital affair. Try to get to the root of the problem instead of focusing on the end result. Approach your husband first. Only he knows what he has told the woman he's cheating with. For all you know he may not have told her he is married. So get all the facts. How long has tha affair been going on. Does he have feelings for this woman and if so does he plan to leave you and be with her. If so it is better that you know at this point. You can't work on a relationship that he doesn't want to be in. Let him know your desire to work on your marraige and the value you have placed in your union. At the same time remember to value yourself. You deserve someone who will give you the honesty and respect you have earned by being faithful.
3. Step 3. When you do decide to approach your husband, look your best. Make him realize what he has right in front of him. It's best to take him out of your everyday enviornment. Take him to a nice romantic resturant. Using soft tones and touching his hand gently let him know that you know about his affair. Don't accuse, ask why. Why did he feel it was necessary to go outside of the marraige. There are many reasons, such as mid-life crisis, ego, boredom, whatever the reason do not offer any excuses that he can turn around and use. What you want to do is to let him know what he stands to lose if you end up divorcing. Are there children involved. We work hard to build a life together. Remind him of the more beautiful times in your lives. Your friends, vacations all the good times. Let him know what all that means to both of you.

Tips & Warnings

• If after you talk with your husband and both of you come to the agreement that your marraige is worth working on you may want to approach the woman in your husbands life. This can be a tricky situation. Alot of things could happen if you don't know how to handle it. If you feel strong within yourself you can have a face to face meeting. Let her know that you are aware of the affair, that he is your husband and that you and him have decided to work things out. Ask her as a woman to understand that she needs to find someone single that can be there for her completely. After all you're not the only one he's cheating on. She's being cheated of having a relationship that can grow into something meaningful and lasting.
• Be prepared. Anything can happen. You do not have control over other people and their feelings. So if you do confront your cheating spouse and they tell you they have fallen in love with the other person, or they just don't want to be with you anymore, accept it. Ask if they want or think that counseling will help. They must want to save the marraige or you'll be the only one in the relationship.