How to Deal With Inconsiderate Adult Children
Parents have the responsibility to raise and nurture their children and prepare them for living on their own in the real world. While you will always be a parent, a time will come when your children are adults and should strike out to make their own way in the world, using the tools you've given them. For a parent, it can be difficult to know when your job is done, particularly if you have an inconsiderate adult child who still expects you to take care of him.
- Difficulty:
- Moderately Easy
Instructions
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Discuss with your adult child the responsibilities being an adult brings. Don't be afraid to tell her what you had to do to make your way. Reiterate those values and ethics you instilled in her when she was younger. Stand your ground. If your adult child spends her paycheck on having fun but expects you to pay her rent, refuse to do so. Paying her rent will enable her to continue the behavior. Unless you let the natural consequences of such behavior take place, she will always come to you to bail her out.
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2
Establish boundaries with adult children. Draw a distinct line of behavior when your adult child comes to visit after he is out on his own. If your adult child expects to come into your home and play by his rules, ask him to leave. You don't have to put up with an adult child who comes into your home and lies around watching TV, making messes and expecting you to clean up after him. Make it clear that you expect him to follow your rules during visits. It is not your responsibility to pick up after an adult child.
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3
Express your love to your child regardless of the inconsiderate behavior she expresses, but explain that loving her does not include taking abuse from her. Offer reasonable help to a child who cannot seem to manage her money without enabling. For instance, offer to help your child work out a budget so her bills are paid first. Do this one time. If she refuses to take your advice, wash your hands of the situation.
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Tips & Warnings
You can love your child and not tolerate inconsiderate behavior. Enabling your adult child to be inconsiderate and live irresponsibly isn't expressing love. It's allowing your adult child to walk all over you and others and only reinforcing the concept that he doesn't have to grow up because mommy and daddy will always clean up his messes.
