How to Play the Eton Wall Game

The Eton Wall Game is a sport practiced since the 17th century in one single boy's college in England. Simple in concept, it is a game extraordinary in its absurdity: it often degenerates into a mass of screaming English schoolboys.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Find a solid wall. This wall should run a good length, and be capable of holding the weight of dozens of young men who are pushing against it will all their might.
2. Determine your targets. The ultimate goal is to reach the target, and kick the ball against it. These targets might be as simple as a tree, a garbage can, or a lamp post.
3. Divide into teams, and elect some luckless individual to carry the ball. This player will attempt to carry the ball way down field, towards the elected target.
4. Both teams barrel into the player in question, straight into the wall. The Eton Wall Game, almost by definition, requires that the players at the bottom of the pile have their face slowly scraped across the morter, as they attempt to score a goal inch by bleeding inch. If the ball pops free, kick it upfield.
5. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Do not be discouraged by a low score. In the original Eton Wall Game, goals can be a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence, if not once-in-a-century.

Tips & Warnings

• As of 2008, the last goal was scored in 1909.