How to Be the Mother of the Bride

Congratulations! Your daughter is getting married, a landmark in the life of your family. Your goal is to enjoy the wedding day and not get swamped by the preparations. Here are some things you can do to keep your peace of mind.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A sense of humor
• Communication skills
• Common sense

1. Take some time to think about what kind of a wedding you would plan for your daughter if it was only up to you. Consider whom you would invite, where you would have it, what kind of food there would be and what kind of band. Maybe this won't be how it turns out, but at least you'll have a chance to clarify what you would choose.

2. Now talk to your daughter to find out what she and her fiancé would like. Give her a chance to describe her dream without interruption. See how it compares with your vision. Realize that you may have to let go some or a lot of what you had wished for.

3. Decide how much of a financial contribution you (and your spouse) can afford. You may be financing the whole wedding, a part of it, or none of it.

4. Together with your daughter, her fiancé and your spouse discuss what kind of wedding makes the most sense. Be honest about what you can do and what you feel strongly about. Try hard to not to be controlling, especially when providing financial resources. Just because you're paying doesn't make you the boss.

5. Decide on a plan and divide up the responsibilities. Let your daughter and her fiancé take the lead-it's their wedding, after all!

6. Pick your issues. Speak up when you feel something is important but let the little things go. Remind yourself and your daughter that the real event is the beginning of a lifelong marriage not just a one-day event. Color schemes and napkins will ultimately have a small impact.

7. On the wedding day, do whatever you need to do to be calm: a bath, yoga or listening to music. Make the groom's family feel comfortable since they are your daughter's new relatives. Don't forget your handkerchief. When you see your darling daughter starting on a new stage of her life, expect some tears!

Tips & Warnings

• Don't offer to dress the bride if you get on each other's nerves.
• Duties and responsibilities of the mother of the bride used to be written in stone. Now people should feel free to organize things however it suits them best.
• There is always a lot of stuff to cart home after a wedding. Line up friends with cars or vans to stay until the end to help you.
• Plan a few days off after the wedding if possible to recover from the excitement.
• This is an emotional time for the whole family until everyone gets used to the new situation.
• Support your daughter's siblings as they adjust to her having a husband who deserves her primary loyalty.
• If your daughter is an independent woman who has made her own life separate from the family, be prepared for her to make all the decisions and just keep you posted on her progress.

Resources

• Advice for MOB.
• More advice for MOB.

[jameamhe]

on 9/8/2009 Thanks for the really great article.. I especially needed to hear your first tip because my daughter and I can't even get ready for a movie without getting on each others nerves....and I am entertaining romantic notions of dressing the bride..