How to Be a Corporate Snitch

In today's techno-savvy society, it may be easier than ever to be a corporate snitch, but like everything, it comes with a price. If you aren't smart and don't cover your tracks, you may find it impossible to be a corporate snitch when you're behind bars for espionage. Follow these steps to become the best corporate snitch ever.

Instructions

1. Have a good cover. When it comes to being a corporate snitch, it's imperative that you keep up a good front at all costs. So, between the hours of 9 and 5 you should be the perfect corporate soldier. Do as you're told, and kiss butt when needed. No one should suspect a thing.

2. Be mindful when you use company property. You never know when your boss is checking up on you, so avoid using company phones or computers for anything but business. To be a good corporate snitch, carry around a second phone that is untraceable.

3. Destroy all your evidence. Being a corporate snitch is hard work, but you have to destroy all evidence of your double crossing. Shred any incriminating paperwork and delete files off your computer that could tie you into any corporate scandals.

4. Deny everything. If you get caught, feign complete innocence. It's your word against theirs, so don't give them any information that could pinpoint you as the leak.

5. Find a scapegoat. When you become a corporate snitch, you need to find someone to be your scapegoat when things go wrong. Look for someone in the office who everyone despises. Plant a few pieces of evidence in his filing cabinet, and question his loyalty when around other managers. He'll be the first person questioned when a leak is discovered.