How to Stop Being Codependent
If you find that you're focused on your loved ones' lives more than on your own life and that you're constantly trying to control them, tell them what to do and clean up their messes, you may be codependent. Read on to learn how to start focusing on your own life, how to allow others to be responsible for themselves and how to stop being codependent.
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Instructions
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Recognize your codependent qualities and behaviors, and make a conscious decision to change.
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Seek professional help. Talking to a counselor is a productive way to deal with your feelings of codependency and start the path to recovery.
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Allow those you care for to be responsible for their own words and actions by not telling them what to do or how to live their lives anymore. All too often you may find yourself feeling responsible for certain friends, family members or a significant other, but this is not your job. Let go and let them take control of their own lives.
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Focus on your own problems. You've spent so much time trying to manage the lives of those around you that you haven't made time to deal with your own problems, so now is the time.
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Address your own needs before meeting the needs of others. You're probably used to meeting everyone else's needs first and then forgetting your own. Even though you may feel that you're being selfish, you'll be much better at helping others when you've taken care of yourself first.
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Do whatever it is that you need to do to feel happy. Remedy an unhappy career or relationship situation for example, and start having fun. In letting go of the responsibility you had placed on yourself to solve everyone else's problems, having fun should come much more easily.
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Tips & Warnings
Read "Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie. You can find it at your local library or at the bookstore.
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Comments
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modmami
Jun 29, 2009
I have found in my own experience that codependency can be sneaky. It starts out innocently enough, a piece of advice here and there until it snowballs into a daily, hourly inner need and desire to see that "other person" be happy and make good choices. But when the other person "sounds" like they want the help and are listening but turns around and does nothing to change their situation makes you feel like you failed so you try and try again...to no avail. Until finally your mind and heart is so wrapped up in their problems that your own life and family takes a backseat. There is such a thing as being TOO good of a friend to a fault. When the other person simply enjoys knowing that you care, that is not enough and it is time to back off and let them make their own mistakes. In the end they end up doing what they want to do and never even recognize all of your sacrifices trying to he... -
liljeets
Apr 23, 2009
Being a codependent person takes away from your life. Controlling others and making sure their happy only make you stress, because most of the people that you are trying to control are not paying attention to you, They are trying to get away from you. If you love and take care of yourself first then maybe others will follow u.
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liljeets
Apr 23, 2009
Being a codependent person, You will lose out on the importance of your life. Most of the time the people that you are controlling are not really paying any attention to you.They are trying to get away from you. You are throwing away your life and happiness just to make them happy,but what about yourself.Maybe if you would take care of you better others would follow you.
