How to Forgive a Friend Who's Hurt You

To forgive a friend who's hurt you is not so much about giving them something they don't deserve. It's more about setting yourself free from bondage.

Forgiving is seldom easy, but if you're willing to give your pain to God and let Him work through the healing process, you can find victory.

Forgiveness is important to everyone. However, if you're a Christian, it's not a choice---it's God's will. If you want to find true freedom, you have to be able to forgive. Here's how, with God's help, you can release the one who's hurt you and truly forgive him (or her.)

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A humble spirit---If you hang on to you pride, you won't be able to forgive. Too often hurting people would rather nurse their wounds and "be right" than be healed.
• Prayer---Besides praying for God to help you, solicit the prayers of others.

1. Define what you need to forgive---Clearly define the hurt or offense that was done to you. Too often we're not definite about what has hurt us. Take time to write down exactly who and what you need to forgive.

2. Pray before confronting---Pray about how to approach the person who hurt you. In other words, don't just lash out with an insincere "I forgive you". When you prayerfully ask the Lord to show you how to ask for forgiveness, you'll not only appear more genuine, but will have really forgiven your offender. Also, it may be better not to confront your offender face-to-face. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to write a letter or email instead of meeting with the friend who hurt you.

3. Follow through---You may have the best of intentions, but if you don't follow through, you're still in bondage. Make a plan as to how you want to convey your forgiveness and carry it out.

4. Offer encouragement---If the offender is a friend with whom you want to reestablish a broken relationship, offer hope that you believe in the relationship and that you still cherish the friendship.

Tips & Warnings

• If your offender is no longer living, you can write a letter. Although he (or she) isn't able to accept your forgiveness, you'll still get the closure you need to be healed of your hurt.
• Don't say, "it's nothing", if your offender comes to you, first, asking for your forgiveness. When you allow this to happen, you're not acknowledging your hurt and the offender is let off the hook. In other words, there is not closure.
• Your offender may not ask you to forgive him (or her). However, it's important for you to give him your forgiveness for your own sake.
• If your offender refuses to listen to you, don't be upset. You've cleaned up your side of the fence. The ball is now in your offender's side of the court. You can feel good that you've obeyed God, whether or not your offender chooses to respond.

[txaggie8406]

on 4/9/2008 you clearly have not been hurt by a dear friend. I am a christian, and I believe that we are call to love our neihbors(everyone), but the true and really is a different one specially in US. You love yourselve and only yourselve. The stupidest thing mention is not to talk face to face, on email you can said what ever you want, but you can never see if or hear that persons really position or emotions, the real sense of caring.