How to Forgive a Friend Who's Hurt You
Forgiving a friend -- or anyone, for that matter -- does more for you than you realize. It frees up your mind to go forward in life without focusing on the hurt you have experienced. Forgiveness does not mean that the relationship will go back to being the same because trust has been broken. It does, however, mean you can start over by building a more solid foundation. Sometimes starting over is not an option, but when you see the offender, you can treat him with kindness if you have forgiven from the heart. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone the action of the offender but that you are not allowing the action to continue.
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Instructions
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Accept that you have been hurt. Give yourself a short time to grieve. Don't take a long time to do this as bitterness could set in, but do think about what you will say and how the offender will hear your words.
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Go to your friend and express your hurt. Let your friend know how you feel. She may not even know she hurt you. If she hears your complaint and asks for forgiveness, then forgive and renew the friendship. When this is not possible, the best thing to do is write a letter and then tear it up or burn it. By putting your feelings into words, it helps in letting go.
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Look for positives in the situation and in forgiving someone. Although you might not feel there are any benefits from the hurt, many times you can learn a life lesson through the experience. It causes you to grow in your love toward others as you see what it has taught you.
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Put yourself in his shoes and see it from his side. Be a person that can understand the "whys" of the offender. A statement by Thomas A. Kempis says, "Be assured that if you knew all, you would pardon all".
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Think about a time when you made a mistake and received forgiveness. It feels good when others give you room to be human, so in return do the same for others.
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Move on. After all is done that can be done, don't dwell on it. Lack of forgiveness and resentment, when built up over time, can cause you physical pain along with the emotional pain you are already experiencing. Let go.
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References
- Huffpost Living: How to Forgive - And Be Happy Now; Ann Naylor; March 2009
- Tiny Budda; How to Forgive Someone When It's Hard: 30 Tips to Let Go of Anger; Lori Deschene
- Faith. Hope. Love.: How to Forgive Someone; Mark Wilson; April 2007
- Bill Krause Ministries: How to forgive - 10 Steps to a Life of Freedom
Resources
- Photo Credit Jupiterimages/Goodshoot/Getty Images
