How to Advise a Mother That has Unruly Children

So, you're standing in the grocery line and the woman in front of you is trying (unsuccessfully) to quiet her toddler, who is lying on the floor, kicking and screaming. Read on to find out what to do (and NOT to do).

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Patience
• Sense of humor
• Compassion

1. Your first defense is to navigate around the tantrum, if you can. Move to a different line. Ignore the screams. The mom is frazzled and embarrassed, guaranteed, and any comment you make is going to make her feel worse. Realize that this too, shall pass (which is the mantra the mom is probably reciting to herself right now, too).

2. If you can't move away from the ruckus, your next step should be to ask for help from staff. Flight attendants, restaurant workers and store managers see bad behavior every day, and may be willing to step in for you. They don't want unruly children to keep you from buying. It's in their interest to ensure you have the best experience possible, and they may be more practiced in diplomatic negotiations with difficult people.

3. There's only one case where you should definitely step in -- when the parent strikes out at the child and hurts him or her. The situation has gone beyond the breaking point, and for the child's safety another adult should step in. Instead of accusing or becoming angry yourself, try asking, "Can I help?". There are no excuses for physical abuse of a child, but compassion for everyone is the most effective way to cool tempers.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't yell, insult or engage in a tantrum yourself. Take the high ground and wait out the tantrum.
• If the unruly behavior occurs in your own home, you have every right to ask the child to stop, even if the parent doesn't intervene. The word "nevertheless" is very effective, as in "I know you want to jump on the couch. Nevertheless, I expect you to stop." It's very hard for anyone to argue with "nevertheless" !

[jack4878]

on 11/9/2009 Nevertheless? Thanks for the article, some good things said, but using the word nevertheless is just plain funny. Obviously you either don't have children or have never encountered a truly "unruly" one.

[sansbeat]

on 5/17/2009 I agree with you 2000 percent, sweber25! these children are totally out of control! no use in BSing and sugar coating discipline! and these bad asses are going to grow up to be ignorant adults and i do not want to be alive when they are grown! selfish, self centered, undisciplined... i tell you, they need to bring back corporal punishment in the schools! hooray for you! finally...the truth!

[kkolode]

on 11/19/2008 Love this article....Well done!

[sweber25]

on 6/14/2008 NO! If a child is getting a beating that is beyond normal, than you need to call the police! It's never a good idea to get involved with an already pissed off parent and subject yourself to harm and danger. If a parent strikes a child on the hand or bottom then leave it be. That's NOT CHILD ABUSE! A child needs a good whopping every once in a while. Do you think lions send their kids to the corner? No, they whip that ass! Children rely to much on the child abuse BS and take it for granted. Grounding, time out, and all that jazz doesn't work. Military school works. I hate children and I hate parents. If I were standing behind a loud child in a super market you can bet I would instruct that mother on how to shut the beast up! It's not fair to the general public because "little susy" wants a damn candy bar and is throwing a fit and the mother is scared to do anything about it. Beat