How to Deal With Passive-Aggressive Relatives
Passive-aggressive behavior is annoying enough when strangers do it, but when it's a close relative whose sarcasm, back-biting or martyrdom you have to deal with on a regular basis, it's pretty hard not to get upset. Keeping your cool, however, is the key to dealing with obnoxiously non-confrontational behavior. Here's how to deal with passive-aggressive relatives.
- Difficulty:
- Challenging
Instructions
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1
Walk away from the bait. Following up a sarcastic remark with your own sarcasm or even a hurt "What do you mean by that?" is a recipe for even more passive-aggressive behavior. Ignore it and remember that anyone who acts passive-aggressively on a regular basis has problems beyond your control.
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2
Remind yourself that you're better than all of this. This relative is too emotionally weak to stand up for himself or assert himself in a direct manner and has to rely on manipulation and low blows. Refuse to get involved and make sure you don't seem upset with the relative, either. A response is what feeds behavior like this.
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3
Calmly-make that extremely calmly-explain why the passive-aggressive behavior is destructive. To the bitter aunt who talks about you behind your back, say, "You have been complaining about me to my cousins. That doesn't help me change the problem. If you tell me the problem directly, perhaps we can work out this conflict."
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4
Put your passive-aggressive relative on the spot by asking him for a solution to the problem. Passive-aggressive people often get caught up in a negative universe where everything is an act committed against them, personally. Asking them to take responsibility for improving the problem is disarming and might actually be productive.
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5
Stay on guard. Even if being direct with the passive-aggressive relative results in an apology, confession or resolution for change, realize that people with this personality problem hate confrontation and will say just about anything to shut you up. So don't believe a change until you see it-multiple times.
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Tips & Warnings
Don't bring up a whole litany of past passive-aggressive behaviors. This will only get you upset, and you need to stay calm to deal with relatives who behave passive-aggressively. Instead, focus on the current problem.
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Comments
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Emell
Aug 09, 2008
Lately the situation I seem to encounter most frequently is not knowing what I may (or may not) have inadvertently done to cause my P-A relative to react, thus eliciting the silent treatment. I am not so arrogant that I would say I never make mistakes. In my mind, the most logical approach is to simply ask directly, have I done something... but when I tried this last week, the response I got was, I'm not sure; I'll have to think about it and call you back. Four days passed before I received a phone call and the explanation had nothing to do with what had occurred. Finally I had to say I just do not understand. At a gathering last night, my relative became irritated over something, sped off ahead of me on foot talking to the air in front of her but I couldn't hear a thing. So now I'm thinking I should just back off, give this person lots of space until whenever, and in the meantime quit -
Emell
Aug 09, 2008
Lately the situation I seem to encounter most frequently is not knowing what I may (or may not) have inadvertently done to cause my P-A relative to react, thus eliciting the silent treatment. I am not so arrogant that I would say I never make mistakes. In my mind, the most logical approach is to simply ask directly, have I done something... but when I tried this last week, the response I got was, I'm not sure; I'll have to think about it and call you back. Four days passed before I received a phone call and the explanation had nothing to do with what had occurred. Finally I had to say I just do not understand. At a gathering last night, my relative became irritated over something, sped off ahead of me on foot talking to the air in front of her but I couldn't hear a thing. So now I'm thinking I should just back off, give this person lots of space until whenever, and in the meantime quit
