How to Recognize a Codependent Spouse
A marriage is an easy place for a codependent to hide because many typical codependent behaviors can be explained away as the actions of a devoted and caring spouse. However, rampant and untreated codependency can ruin a marriage. The first step to getting help is to recognize if you have a codependent spouse. Read on to learn how to recognize a codependent spouse.
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Instructions
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Look for signs of childhood trauma. Codependency often begins as a result of a traumatic childhood. If your spouse was raised in an alcoholic household, there's a good chance he exhibits codependent traits. In fact, any severe childhood trauma, such as abuse or neglect, can eventually result in codependency.
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Notice her giving ways. A codependent spouse will wait on you all day long and never accept so much as a compliment for it. In fact, she may get flustered when you try to pamper her. She takes on all the care-taking jobs in the household and then may complain that she's the only one who does anything.
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Recognize self-deprecating language. Codependents generally have low self-esteem. They judge themselves harshly, which only lowers their self-esteem. While you can't see inside his head, you can get a glimpse of his thoughts by listening to his language. If he's codependent, your spouse probably puts himself down a lot or makes self-deprecating jokes often.
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Watch how she behaves toward you in public. A codependent tends to be clingy in an intimate relationship. She may not feel comfortable when you're out of her sight because of her lack of self-confidence. Your spouse's public displays of affection may not be just pure romance. They could also be a sign of her codependency.
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Comments
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Of course... I appreciate this.. but I choose to work predominantly with women as gender has to affect the way codependency manifests...given the way we're socialised. I do take each individual where they are right now & work forward from there but there needs to be an understanding that female codependents may well have differences to male codependents. I work with men around other goals but can (& do) recommend other recovery coaches or therapy (when it's more appropriate) if it's outside of my specialism.
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Uhh, men can be codependent, too.
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Very good article... Mistrust of self and others is common also...and decision-making tends to be problematic (but linked in with low self-esteem). I work with women who experience codependency - there is a way through it and it is possible to become 'un'dependent (as Melody Beattie rightly calls it!)
