How to Be a Peacemaker

The world we live in today is fraught with violence, discord and disunity. To find joy and peace in all this, we have to choose to become peacemakers. We can strive to be mediators of peace within the walls of our homes and in our dealings with the people who run in our societal circles. Doing so is not easy but is definitely worth it.

Instructions

1. Resolve to be a peacemaker. You cannot be one if you are not passionate about it or if you are not convinced that it is the right thing for you to do. If you don't believe in the process yourself, chances are others won't believe it either.

2. Practice positive thinking. As we are all wired to seek out negative news, being optimistic helps overcome our innate negativity which, in turn, allows us to exude a personality that others feel more confident and trusting in.

3. Show respect as you approach the other party and invite them to set a time to discuss the issue. Find a private place where you can be free from distractions when resolving the conflict.

4. Set ground rules like avoiding name-calling, yelling or blaming. This will help diffuse bad feelings that may arise from emotionally-charged language that can give rise to hostility. Instead, suggest an approach of accepting responsibility for the actions and words within their control.

5. Aim to achieve mutual benefit. Help the conflicting parties see that both people's needs have to be met in order for a lasting solution to be found. Each party should work to address the concerns of the other as well as their own.

6. Listen attentively and give the person your full attention by making a real effort to understand exactly what she is communicating. Restate what you heard to confirm your understanding.

7. Show empathy and try to see the situation as the other person views it. Doing so goes a long way toward peace building.

8. Focus on solving the present problem rather than looking back into the past. Use the past for context but discuss more recent activity as people remember them better and you will have a better chance for change.

9. Brainstorm to come up with a plan that works for everyone. Make a distinction between needs and wants and be flexible on the specific methods for meeting the needs of both parties.

10. Confirm what needs to be done and ensure there is agreement on the specific things each person will do to overcome the problem now and if a similar situation arises in the future.

Tips & Warnings

• Be an active learner. You cannot hope to help others by being ignorant. The more you educate yourself, the more prepared you will be to deal with the various situations in life.

• Learn to be thick skinned as you will take a lot of flack. Don't expect to become popular, at home or at work, but you can expect to help get things done. You need to be driven by your conviction that you are striving for the greater good.