How to Help One Parent Cope With the Death of the Other

Loosing a spouse to death is the hardest thing that most of us will ever face. When the surviving spouse is elderly, this loss is even harder. As an adult child there are some things you can do to help one parent to cope with the death of the other.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Acknowledge the fear that your parent is feeling and encourage her to talk about it. If she has been with her husband for many years, her loss is compounded by her fear for her own survival and ability to cope. She is probably not sure that she can live without her husband and what will happen to her from here.

2. Help to find solutions to the problems your parent is facing. If your father can not live on his own after the loss of your mother, find an alternative living situation for him. If grocery shopping and doctors appointments are impossible because of lack of transportation, help to make those things still happen.

3. Encourage your parent to make her own decisions. Assuming she is still mentally capable of deciding what she wants, allow her to make her own choices. She is likely feeling out of control of her life. Making all decisions for her will make her feel even less in control.

4. Watch for signs of illness or depression, and if you notice any, help him to get treatment. Elderly people are often experiencing a lot of losses through death of siblings, friends, and now their spouse. Depression is likely to set in. He may also stop eating right, taking his medications, or other life style changes that can lead to illness.

5. Stay involved in your parent's life. Often family flocks around when the death first occurs, then drifts away leaving the mourner to cope on his own. Elderly can feel abandoned and unloved. It is important to stay as actively involved in your parent's life as you can.

6. Assist your parent in rebuilding her life. Suggest she continue her involvement in any social activities she participated in before her spouse died. Think of new activities she might enjoy getting involved in. If she is physically and mentally capable, recommend she consider doing volunteer work.

7. Suggest counseling if he is having a hard time getting past the mourning, seems to be sinking into depression, or seems to have lost his desire to live. Often times elderly people loose the will to live when they loose their spouse. Feeling that they would prefer to join their spouse in heaven.

[holeymoley]

on 10/25/2008 help my mom is "prone" to depression and lost my dad on oct 9th, i dont know what to look for is there a differant kind of depression for this or all the same. thanks