How to Marry a Divorced Guy
After a divorce, it takes some time to love and trust someone again. However, many divorced people do eventually remarry. Falling in love with a man who has survived a divorce is different from building a relationship with someone who has never been married. If you plan to marry a divorced man, it is good to know the challenges both of you can face.
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Instructions
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Wait until his divorce is final. Some divorced guys start dating soon after they separate and before the divorce is official. Remember that the many legal and emotional issues surrounding divorce can complicate his divorce and his relationship with you.
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Be someone he can trust and be sure that he is someone you can trust. After a divorce, a man can keep new partners at a distance or "play the field" for a while. If your divorced guy is doing this, he is not ready to remarry.
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Adjust expectations. Your divorced guy's timetable for commitment and marriage may be different from yours. Remember that he saw his first marriage fall apart. Residual feelings of hurt, grief, anger, betrayal, self-doubt and cynicism need to heal before he should marry again. Also remember that, while a second marriage may not have the same "intensity" as a first marriage, it can be a happier, more stable relationship.
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Take your time and give the relationship space to develop. Some divorced people are anxious to reenter married life; others are gun-shy. While you should not allow your divorced guy to make you wait indefinitely, don't rush into anything. You want to be his second wife, not his second ex-wife. Both of you have everything to gain by being sure that you are right for each other and that the time is right to marry.
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Respect his history. If your divorced guy has children from his first marriage, accept that he will be in touch with his ex and spend time with his kids. Be as compassionate as possible with him, his ex-wife and his children.
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Fight fair. Remember that conflict is part of any relationship, but there are healthy and unhealthy ways to argue. Break destructive patterns and find ways to respectfully communicate and resolve conflict.
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Consider couples counseling. Even if you and your divorced guy have a good relationship, counseling can give you an even stronger foundation for marriage. Both of you should look at past relationships, perceptions and behavior and find healthy ways to be together for life.
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Plan the wedding. Talk to your fiancé about arrangements. He may want a simpler or more elaborate event than his first. Whatever your plans, make your wedding a wonderful day that is all about the two of you and your future. Once your fiancé is happily married to you, he will no longer be a divorced guy. He will be your husband.
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Nurture your marriage. During your courtship you spent time and effort to create a strong relationship built on love and trust. Your marriage is not the outcome of this effort, but a continuation of that journey. Find ways to show how much you love and appreciate each other every day.
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