How to Submit to Your Husband

One of the most difficult things for a Christian wife to do is learn to submit to her husband. Our culture has caused us to become so prideful that we make excuses or reasons for not following the Biblical model for marriage. Some Christian women have decided that it is degrading to submit to your husband, but that is really not the case at all! To submit to your husband does not involve being looked down upon, mistreated, or disgraced. In fact, being submissive to everyone is a difficult and noble endeavor.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Bible
• Journal

1. To submit to your husband you must understand that marriage is not fifty-fifty as our culture would like us to think. Marriage is both partners giving one hundred percent all of the time. This may seem like an impossible feat, and perhaps it is, but it is the example we should all strive toward everyday. It does not matter the situation, or whether you feel as if you are the only one doing the giving. The second you begin to think you are doing all of the work, bitterness will take root in your heart, and your selfish nature triumphs.
   
   At the root of most evil things we do is self-centeredness, or pride. Think about this for a minute.
   
   We are to HUMBLE OURSELVES. Jesus tells us, "The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and
   whoever humbles himself will be exalted" (NIV Matthew 23:11-12).
   
   We live in a "Me-first" society. Our own children utter the word "mine" as soon as they are able. By submitting to your husband, you will begin to cultivate a servant's heart and hopefully pass this behavior on to your children.

2. Pray each morning that God will guide you and give you a servant's heart and help you submit to your husband. When we serve others we deny ourselves. Serving others also helps to build them up and produces great character. This does not mean you're a slave, but that you acknowledge you husband's leadership role in the family.

3. Read your Bible daily. You may choose to start with selections about marriage; however, the entire Bible is filled with examples and models for our behavior toward others, including our husband.
   
   To begin with a study of the commandment to submit to our husbands, read Ephesians 5. You should realize that there are multiple layers to this study. Not only are wives to submit to their husbands, but husbands are commanded to love their wife. You should also note that as the body of Christ (The Church) we are all (men and women)spiritually brides of Christ.

4. Keep a journal of events that happen during the day. How did you handle them? How should you have handled them? Periodically look back and notice the progress you made. Learning to submit is not an easy task. It goes against every fiber of our being. Nearly everything tells us to put ourselves first and our thoughts are better than others'.

5. We, as women, tend to be controlling. We believe we know how to do everything best. Start letting your husband make decisions. After all, he is the head of the family, just as Christ is the head of the church.
   **Does this mean your opinion does not matter? Absolutely not! You should always try and make decisions together, but do not try and push yours. Express your concerns, give counsel. If you can not agree, allow him to be the final decision.
   
   Consider these verses, written by the wise man, Solomon:
   Proverbs 12:4 - A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
   Proverbs 17:14 - Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
   Proverbs 19:13 - ...a quarrelsome wife is like constant dripping

6. Start doing all the things he asks you to do, and then some to bless your husband.
   **Does this mean we are making ourselves slaves? No! We are servants. Remember, Jesus tells us that "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you" (NIV Matthew 5: 41-42).
   
   By doing things your husband asks you you will build trust in your relationship. Your husband learns that he can rely and lean on you for support.

7. Understand that it is your role as a wife to be humble and to submit to your husband and family.
   **Does this mean that we are less than our husbands? Of course not! We are one in the same. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (NIV Genesis 2:24). We must care for and love our husbands as we care for and love ourselves.
   
   Again, this is not how society puts it out to be. We are not poor little women locked up as slaves in our household. We do this willingly to bless and build up our family.

8. Husbands automatically respond to this behavior. You will notice your husband growing fonder of you and feeling more relaxed. He will treasure you for being so caring and helpful.

Tips & Warnings

• After a few weeks on your own of study and practice, let your husband know what you are doing and explain to him why. Ask him to help you, and pray for you.
• Attend marriage conferences with your church. You will grow together spiritually and become more intimate.
• Have your husband read this article on loving your wife: http://www.ehow.com/how_2094918_love-your-wife.html
• Do not expect to be the perfect wife. All we can do is pray and study and try. It is extremely difficult, but our husbands will appreciate our perseverance.
• If your husband is not doing his role as head of the family, slowly begin to shift the responsibility back to him. It may be awkward at first, but he will learn just as you did.

Resources

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[sunshine1215]

on 6/9/2009 http://www.google.com/search?hl=en

[sunshine1215]

on 6/9/2009 I completely agree with this article. A woman's role in her marriage is to submit to her husband and let him take lead. Men are to be the head of the household and lead his family in ways that are pleasing to God. Men are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, which is difficult. Unconditional love rules out divorce, disrespect, and overall mistreatment. Women should want to submit to their husbands to allow God to take control or the marriage and follow His guidelines. Men should want to love their wife unconditionally and lead her in their relationship with Christ. It's a very balanced, harmonious way of life. It's easier for me to let my husband make financial decisions and have the final say, for he is made to make decisions that are best for us, just as i was made to support him and love him.

[zincsalt8199]

on 6/3/2009 Religious or not, Christian or not, I don't care. If you immediately think it's "mistreatment, adultery, abusive", obviously you forget about the "love" part in marriage or in verses "husband love your wife..."Logically speaking and in regard to the new modern day women's role in marriages and societies, there is a "new" question emerging from the past to the surface:How does marriage love work? Or, how does a two-people-team work?Or, in the condition of two people in marriage having equal and same rights: How can TWO people make ONE decision?Can they make ONE decision? How to work things out???

[leapyearfish]

on 5/22/2009 So I'm supposed to give him the final word if we don't agree? And I'm supposed to do everything he tells me so he can build trust?... It's a good thing I have a wonderful husband who already trusts me. .... Okay, so where's the article on 'how to submit to your wife?'

[adecesare]

on 5/22/2009 It's seems there's a very fine line between what you call "submission" and abuse. Ladies, take pride in your opinions and don't let your men (or anyone) make decisions for you. Trust your own heart.