How to End a Toxic Friendship
Friendships can go wrong from the beginning, or can eventually cause you frustration and discomfort. When you feel you cannot trust someone or they are harming you emotionally, it may be time to end that friendship. Follow these steps to determine if your friendship is toxic.
- Difficulty:
- Moderate
Instructions
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1
Identify the person who you believe to be potentially toxic. Make sure they truly are causing you constant emotional harm and it's not a temporary set back that has him upset and not acting like himself.
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2
Figure out what type of toxic friend this person is so you can determine the best way to end things. A promise breaker constantly disappoints you with what she says she'll do and doesn't, while a double-crosser can betray you outright by spreading rumors or some other type of emotional injury to you. A self-absorbed friend makes you feel bad about yourself sometimes by thoughtlessly worrying only himself and the fault finder can harm your self esteem by being overly critical of you. Then there's the competitor who challenges you openly or in a subtle way, and a discloser who shares your personal information.
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3
Try to repair any bad feelings before deciding to move forward with ending the friendship. Be aware that this person may not even realize there is an issue so try approaching her about the issue first. Make sure that you want this person out of your life because if you do not, there are other ways to handle each toxic personality type--i.e. not telling secrets to a discloser or not raising to the bait of a competitor--that allows you to continue the friendship in a way that doesn't cause you emotional harm.
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4
Determine how you'll end the friendship once you have chosen to do so. You can begin by not returning phone calls or making excuses when that person asks you to do something and eventually the friendship will fade. A better option is to be blunt, but kind using specific examples of the behavior you're talking about. Let the person know why you feel the friendship is not working-maybe she will see something about herself she didn't before and correct the behavior.
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5
Remain firm with your decision and do not allow the person to continue to talk you into trusting them. When it seems that you have truly gotten through to him and he seems believably committed to change, then continue the friendship (or pick it back up) and proceed with caution.
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1
Tips & Warnings
Be careful with how you end a friendship. Be honest and firm without being abrasive, especially when you have mutual friends so that your own reputation is not tarnished in the process.
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Comments
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At various points in life, you realize that some of the relationships you've developed at that particular point - personal or otherwise - are not necessarily good for you. Yet you're reluctant to let go of them completely for some reason or another. I wish there was a real-life 'Unfriend' button just to make the process of letting go a little easier.
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calruby
May 26, 2010
I agree with "naturenut". I have put up with a lot of abrasive comments from someone that I thought was my friend because I know she's been going through a really rough time at home. I've tried to listen while she's vented and complained about almost everything. But lately, she's been hurting ME by criticizing and insulting every little thing I do. Talk about displaced anger. The last time we spoke over the phone, she was so hurtful that I actually tried to defend myself. She came back at me with yet another nasty remark. I started crying the minute I hung up. I think enough is enough. In my younger years, I had no trouble speaking up for myself. But lately, I just haven't had the need to. Maybe that comes with age. You try to let some things roll off your back. But this has been going on for way too long now, which is why I'm upset. I know I should have said something... -
Victoria C.
Jun 20, 2009
Sometimes we put up with things in friendship because we don't want to hurt people, but if you continue on with a toxic relationship, in the long run it will hurt you. It hurts to end a friendship, but toxic ones have to be ended.
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starlet67
Apr 04, 2009
Transferring your energy away from that person and intoother interest is a great way to start building a life without them!Great tips!5*
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soanyway
Apr 04, 2009
It's a hard thing to do, especially the "getting sucked back in" part. But well worth it in the end. You won't be so exhausted some people just suck the air
