How to Win a Staring Contest

Conan-staring contests on Conan O'Brian's late night television variety show created renewed interest in the sport. Not everyone is born a stare-master like Conan, but anyone can improve his game with practice. Whether your battlefield is the playground or a professional staring match, these tips will help you stick your stare.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Prepare Psychologically

1. Practice as often as possible. Because staring is taboo in the U.S. (and many other cultures), it makes people uncomfortable. The more you practice, the more your psyche learns to deal with nervous tension.
2. Think of something sad or something that makes you angry right before the match. This technique averts the giggles.
3. Listen to music to pump yourself up. Whatever works for you: "Eye of the Tiger" or Smashing Pumpkins' "Eye" are appropriate.
4. Staredown your dog or cat. It's great practice. Or duel with yourself in the mirror.
5. Review the rules if you are competing in a professional match (see Resources section below). Being prepared relieves much of your pre-match jitters.
6. Agree on the rules if your staredown is for fun. Some people play by "whoever blinks first loses" rules, some whoever looks away, and still others believe whoever laughs first loses. Establish face-making, touching, noisse, and talking rules.
7. Start a rumor that you are a brutal opponent before and during a competition. Make up a new staredown move and give it a crazy name. These things begin to psych-out your opponent before the match even starts.

Prepare Physically

8. Use moisturizing eye drops. Consult the sponsoring organization's rulebook for your match. The National Association of Staredown Professionals' Official Rules prohibit any eye drops inside the ring; however, over-the-counter or FDA-approved eye drops are allowed outside of the ring.
9. Close your eyes hard for several seconds before you begin. Blinking hard encourages tear production.
10. Open eyes wider or squint and furrow your brow if you feel like blinking during the match. This maneuver encourages tear production without blinking. It might also make your opponent laugh.

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