How to Be a Jock

Being a jock is about more than being a three sport varsity star. Jocks get all the girls, make heaps of money and terrorize the nerds. In short, being a jock equals glory. A great physique, self assured attitude and disregard for any authority other than your coach guarantees a spot at the top of the high school hierarchy.

Instructions

1. Start training early. Sign up for pee wee football, t-ball and soccer while still in preschool to get on the right path. Acclimate yourself to the grind of being a young sports star and do everything to make sure you get a spot on the best team in the league.

2. Get a starting spot on the middle school team. After a few years playing for the local park district, find yourself in middle school and in your first competitive school situation. Focus on turning your moves on the basketball court into popularity in the hallways. Drop friends that don't play sports and start flirting with the cheerleaders.

3. Devote yourself to sports when you enter high school. They say that to get into a good college you need to be well rounded. Select sports only. Act as though activities like student council and the debate team are a waste of time.

4. Train hard to maintain your position. There's always someone in the class below you who is a little quicker, a little sharper. Make sure that person doesn't have the opportunity to steal your thunder: practice hard in front of your coach and perform consistently on the field.

5. Put on your letterman's jacket, grab your head cheerleader girlfriend and strut around the school like you own the place. Hang out with other jocks, but allow one or two less celebrated students to follow you around. Pick smart kids to hang around to do your homework. Hoist the trophy after the big game and revel in your success.