How to Use Psychology in Marriage

If you don't think about what's going through your spouse's mind, you're not alone. Most of us worry about how we're perceived by our bosses, co-workers and even our friends, but marriage is usually a "soft place to land" where we don't always screen our words before we speak. Thinking about the psychology of your marriage, though, is the key to making it last.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Think about your spouse's behavior and try to pinpoint what she wants from you. If she's always asking you whether her pants make her look fat, maybe she really wants more positive attention and approval from you--nothing a romantic dinner and a few comments about how pretty she looks wouldn't fix. If she talks constantly, perhaps responding more attentively every now and then would reduce her need to fill a silent void.
2. Analyze how effective you've been at giving your spouse what he wants--without getting angry if he's not meeting your needs. Focus on his needs without letting your anger get in the way so that you can effectively diagnose problems with your marriage.
3. Talk to your spouse about aspects of your marriage that concern her. Listen receptively, even if you disagree with her perceptions. Getting familiar with her point of view is key to understanding the psychology of your marriage.
4. Reflect on how your parents' marriages--yours and your spouse's--affected both of your feelings on what a marriage should or should not be like. Differences between these two perceptions can cause disharmony. A husband whose father was king of the castle might need to learn how to treat a wife who grew up with more modern-thinking parents as an equal, as just one example.
5. Seek marriage counseling to get to the bottom of the problem more effectively. Use therapy to get a better understanding of what your spouse wants from your marriage.
6. Educate yourself about the psychology of marriage through therapy, college courses and even TV shows like "Shalom in the Home" and "One Week to Save Your Marriage" on The Learning Channel.