How to Irritate A Wife

If you want to annoy your wife there are a lot of things you can do, and probably are doing, to accomplish this. The following steps will show you how to irritate your wife, or if you are one of the good ones, things you can stop doing that annoy her.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Compare your wife with your mother, making sure to accentuate all your mom's good qualities. To make this even more irritating, invite your mom over at least once a week and forget to tell your wife about it.
2. Flip the channel with the remote about a million times a minute. When she asks for the remote, tell her "in a second." Say this no matter how many times she asks and no matter how much time has passed since you said it last.
3. Leave your socks and underwear on the floor after dressing. For an extra kick, leave your wet towel on the bed or on the floor in the bedroom by her side of the bed.
4. Needing to run an errand or fix something gives you the chance to complain and whine the whole time you're doing it. If you are annoying enough, maybe she won't ask you to do any more errands or chores.
5. Allow her to talk and talk, while you are thinking of something else. Try thinking of a television program you saw last night while flipping through channels with your remote. When she is finally finished speaking, respond with, "what?"
6. Keep the temperature in the house low. If she turns the thermostat up, turn it back down immediately. Then, at night, hog all the covers.
7. Do not admit to being wrong, never ever do this. Even if you know that you are one hundred percent wrong, and your wife is one hundred percent right, stand your ground. However, on those occasions when you are one hundred percent right, make sure to rub it in.

Tips & Warnings

• Never use a coaster, even if you are tempted.
• Make a lot of noise while you're eating and don't forget to eat very, very fast.
• Wash red clothing with the whites in hot water. She will never ask you to do the laundry again.