How to Make a Galaxy

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Tired of the same old galaxy, day after day? Milky Way got you down? Learning how to make a galaxy is not an easy undertaking--unless, of course, the person making it has God-like attributes. If that's the case, learning how to make a galaxy like the Milky Way becomes a relatively simple matter. Here are some easy steps that will help even the most inexperienced galaxy-builder make a great one!

Things You'll Need

  • Lots of stuff. Gases. Unexplainable bangs, big or otherwise
  • Little bitty microscopic thingies
  • Dirt for planets, and some water
  • Grass seed
  • Clouds. Definitely clouds
  • Become omnipotent. (No help on this one, sorry.)

  • Create a great big empty vacuum. Picture a giant Dyson sucking up everything in existence. What's left is what's needed at the start of a new galaxy.

  • Design stars of all colors and sizes. Be artistic. Use a varied palette-red, white, blue, dwarfs, giants. Put a time span on the suckers. Nothing like a few dying suns to brighten up the night sky. Comets are good. And meteors, too.

  • Generate planets of all colors and sizes and filled with creatures of choice. Go crazy with this one! Methane gas worlds, water worlds, fire worlds, all with creatures that can live there comfortably. Remember, the goal is to make a better galaxy than the Milky Way! Don't forget the moons.

  • Form matter, energy, and light waves. Might be a good idea to brush up on your science with a few of the old college textbooks. Read a couple of Stephen Hawking's volumes and some of Einstein's scratchings.

  • Invent quasars, pulsars, dark matter, black holes and other mysterious stuff. Just make them up off the cuff. Nobody knows what they are anyway.

  • Put all of the above in the vacuum and create gravitational fields to hold them in place. Stir.

  • Produce a unique pattern with all of the above. (Spirals are popular. Just a suggestion.)

  • Set the items above in motion, rotating around an unseen center. Not too fast or everything will spin into the next galaxy and that would be bad. The Milky Way is the next galaxy. Just for fun, make the center something cool, like a chewy chocolate nougat.

  • Finally, create entropy; then sit back and watch the show for the next billion years or so!

Tips & Warnings

  • Don't forget the moons!
  • Amateur galaxy builders should start off with something small, perhaps a moon or an asteroid. Practice makes perfect!
  • Do not try this at home.

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