How to Communicate With an Estranged Parent

If you're thinking about opening the lines of communication with an estranged parent, you might be coping with feelings of obligation, resentment and regret. Follow these steps to reach out.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Keep what is worth keeping and blow the rest away. Unless there is a history of abuse, the first step in communicating with an estranged parent is to let old resentments go. Keep the initial contact positive or at least neutral.
2. Consult a sibling or other close relative for support. Sometimes there's no one better to understand what you're feeling than an insider or someone who knew you when you were young.
3. Practice the art of compromise. Even if one person is clearly to blame for the initial estrangement, agree to disagree on this matter and make a fresh start.
4. Accept that your relationship may never be what you imagined. During the period of the estrangement, you might have had many imaginary conversations in your mind. This fantasizing is normal, but it is not realistic to expect the first contact to live up to these fantasies.
5. Apologize even if you did not cause the rift. You can still express sorrow for the current state of affairs. For example, you could say, "I'm sorry that we haven't been in touch. I hope that will change now."
6. Take the high road if the communication starts to break down. If old hostilities are causing your discussion to unravel, a simple exit strategy can put the communication on hold. Try saying, "I'm sensing that we need to take a break. Perhaps we can revisit this conversation tomorrow."

Tips & Warnings

• If there is a history of abuse in your relationship with your parent, seek the advice of a therapist or counselor before initiating contact.