How to Deal With a Cheating Spouse

One question emerges when you discover your spouse's affair; should I leave or should I go? The answer to that question defines your next move. If you leave your cheating spouse, the decision, though often painful, is definitive. The relationship is over, and you move on. Lawyers and counselors can help you decide your course of action. If you stay, you must deal with an entirely different set of possibilities.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Inform your spouse that you know about the infidelity. Do this at a time and place where you can have privacy and will not be interrupted.
2. Express your anger and disappointment. Ask if the affair is over and if your spouse wants to work on rebuilding your trust and your marriage.
3. Talk with your cheating partner about how you plan to deal with the affair and lay out a list of demands. Talk until you reach agreement on how you will move forward.
4. Set clear guidelines of what is expected in order to regain your trust. Be very clear about your expectations and that you will settle for nothing less.
5. Pry and spy on your spouse until you are satisfied that the cheating is over. You must know if actions match words.
6. Forgive completely. A heart cannot mend that holds resentment. You may need to get help for yourself in order to forgive your partner.

Tips & Warnings

• Find and use one confidant with whom to share your pain.
• Return to your normal activities only after you have calmed down and begun work on repairing the relationship.
• Your words are empty if you are not prepared to follow through with your threats of leaving.
• Do not accept excuses.
• Do not blame yourself.
• Do not tell everyone about the infidelity.