How to Deal With a Cheating Spouse
One question emerges when you discover your spouse's affair; should I leave or should I go? The answer to that question defines your next move. If you leave your cheating spouse, the decision, though often painful, is definitive. The relationship is over, and you move on. Lawyers and counselors can help you decide your course of action. If you stay, you must deal with an entirely different set of possibilities.
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Instructions
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Inform your spouse that you know about the infidelity. Do this at a time and place where you can have privacy and will not be interrupted.
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Express your anger and disappointment. Ask if the affair is over and if your spouse wants to work on rebuilding your trust and your marriage.
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Talk with your cheating partner about how you plan to deal with the affair and lay out a list of demands. Talk until you reach agreement on how you will move forward.
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Set clear guidelines of what is expected in order to regain your trust. Be very clear about your expectations and that you will settle for nothing less.
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Pry and spy on your spouse until you are satisfied that the cheating is over. You must know if actions match words.
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Forgive completely. A heart cannot mend that holds resentment. You may need to get help for yourself in order to forgive your partner.
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Tips & Warnings
Find and use one confidant with whom to share your pain.
Return to your normal activities only after you have calmed down and begun work on repairing the relationship.
Your words are empty if you are not prepared to follow through with your threats of leaving.
Do not accept excuses.
Do not blame yourself.
Do not tell everyone about the infidelity.
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Comments
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This is the worst thing she could have ever did to me and my kids, she does not care the hart ache and pain she has caused I will never forgive her and if asked I am widowed.
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I was together for almost 25yrs and her cheating on me was the lowest thing she could have ever did to me and my kids She does not care who she hurt. I will never forgive her I concider myself widowed.
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purpleblackout
Nov 10, 2010
i think it is impossible to ever forgive.. you say you can but it is simply impossible...you cope but it is not forgiving....i have been trying for 20 years ..i became an alcoholic because of the infidelity..ended up in prison becase of the infidelity and alcoholism ...now trying to cope as a straight person with no alcohol...not possible...i'm terrified i'm going to start drinking again... if they don't apologize everyday and move heaven and earth to make you believe that they were out of there mind and that it was the worst mistake of thier life you will never be able to cope with it... mine thinks i need to shut up and get over it..i'm the one with the problem...go figure... help!!!! very sad and very much in love -
davidj102
May 08, 2010
wow ladies i am so sorry to hear this my wife cheated on me with some guy she knows through a friend, it makes me mad becuz i feel like she id defending him over me and i have been admitted to the mental hospital for it becuz i became so angry and was taking it out on the wrong people.
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fluffygurl
Oct 31, 2009
My boyfriend and i have been together for 7rys. I found out that he had cheated and that he also has a child from that relationship. The child has recently been living with him. The baby is 1yr and 6mths. My boyfriend and i are not living together we have never lived together but we were moving towards that we were also planning on getting married and have children, but i cannot get pass what he has done. The fact that child is now with him has cause me get upset all over agian. I need help in handling this situation
