How to Deal With Roommate Problems

Sometimes having a roommate is complicated, so having a plan can make living arrangements much more comfortable. Following the steps below, roommate problems can be solved much more effectively than a screaming match.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience
• Understanding
• Willingness to compromise
• Sense of humor

1. Give yourself and your roommate time to calm down. Take a walk or a drive to get away from the situation.
2. Re-think the disagreement after you've calmed down. Looking back on it, does it seem trivial? Determine if you could have handled the problem with your roommate better.
3. Find a reasonable solution to the problem. This involves some compromise. Ask yourself how can you both get what you feel you need without hurting the other person.
4. Go back to your room when you are ready to discuss the disagreement rationally, without yelling or letting your anger overcome you.
5. Explain your side to your roommate without placing blame. Using "I feel..." statements rather than pointing fingers will help your roommate feel less defensive, and more likely to understand where you are coming from.
6. Listen to your roommate's side of the story. Put yourself in his/her place and imagine how it would feel. Don't judge, just listen.
7. Ask your roommate what would be a suitable compromise, and suggest your ideas. Be kind, but honest. Pretending to agree with something you don't will only hurt your relationship later.
8. Have one or two friends mediate if you can't come up with an agreed compromise. Explain the situation from both sides, and see what they suggest. Stay open-minded.
9. If you absolutely cannot come up with a compromise or solution, talk to your RA (Resident Assistant). He or she can try to help you resolve the problem, and if necessary try to re-assign you to different rooms.

Tips & Warnings

• Discuss things such as bill payments and noise level ahead of time. This could save several disagreements in the long run.
• Be respectful of your roommate. Remember it is their room as much as it is yours.
• Confrontation skills come with time. It is natural to feel defensive when approached with a problem. Take a deep breath, and if necessary, explain that you need time to think about the situation to avoiding doing or saying something rash.
• Don't hold grudges. It will increase the tension between you and your roommate and cause small problems to become bigger than they really are.