How to Recognize an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Are you made to feel responsible for your partner's behavior. "You made me angry so I couldn't help it," or "Well, if you wouldn't act so stupid, maybe I wouldn't have to point it out to you." Emotional abuse, unlike physical abuse, often goes unnoticed or ignored. Experts consider emotional abuse more dangerous, lasting and widespread. There is no universal definition of emotional abuse. Watch for these signs in your relationship.
- Difficulty:
- Moderate
Instructions
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1
Feel diminished in private by your partner's criticism. Notice that your partner is charming and accommodating in public, especially around your friends or family. When you go to a family member or friend about your concerns, what you say appear to be in conflict with what is observed in your partner.
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2
Feel humiliated by your partner's public revelations of private matters or the details of your shortcomings. You are often the brunt of the joke.
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3
Detect that your partner withholds affection, attention or approval. The message is that you are not worthy, which further erodes self-esteem.
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4
Try to "do better" so that your partner will not make good on threats to leave you. You feel increasingly anxious about what you might unwittingly do to drive your partner away.
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5
Observe your complaints or concerns are dismissed. Common responses are, "Can't you take a joke?" or "Why are you making such a big deal of it?"
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6
Discern that you "walk on eggshells" and must not upset your partner. Maintain a constant focus on your partner's needs, rather than your own.
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7
Experience panic attacks, anxiety attacks, feel depressed or have ongoing health problems. An emotionally abusive relationship can make you sick.
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1
Tips & Warnings
If you are being emotionally abused, get help. Contact the Police Department for local resources for counseling and group support.
Join an online support group, see website referenced below.
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Comments
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sensitivesoul
Jan 05, 2010
Contact the police? He is the police :( -
kroe
Oct 25, 2009
I have been trying to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship for over 3 years. When I do break kup with him he calls, emails, and comes by until I finally give in a little and then before I know it I am conned back into being with him again. He lies and has no conscience which I have grown to accept. It is easier to just give in and be with him instead of dealing with his stalking behavior. His put downs and false accusations have drizzled into the community we live in leaving me embarassed and ashamed. I know I shouldn't be with him and am not at this time, but I am so tired of fighting. I am physically tired, I don't know how to explain it but it has affected every aspect of my life. I feel like I have finally put my foot down and he will not be comming back into my life but I have felt this way hundreds of times before. I don't have the energy to keep doing this but we are...
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flagirl09
Aug 08, 2009
I will try this again. I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent woman, yet some how I ended up in a relationship that is emotionally abusive and I am on the losing end. The economy has played a factor in this and I found myself in a vulnerable place. We are not married but have been dating for about 4 years. He finds little ways to hurt and demean me, sometimes withholding affection in public. Even after 4 years, he refuses to kiss me in front of his daughter. He treats his daughter as being very special which is a good thing but makes it clear that I am not on the same level and doesn't treat me as being special. He often with holds affection from me in public. When I first met him, he was different - very caring and sweet. He has changed though and I wondered if I did something to cause this.
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marqueza
Feb 13, 2009
I would add to this that name calling is common as well as the hypocrasy of "I can do it better" but the abuser doesn't offer help or critisizes more. The abuser may also respond that the person is "too sensitive".
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AudreyBrown
Jan 18, 2009
These are important things to watch out for, definitely. I think there are SO many people who think this is normal. Makes me sad...
