How to Become an Assassin for Hire

Maybe you were born evil or just can’t stand the thought of a desk job. Not just men, but women too, are getting paid the big bucks in every country to do the dirty work. Sometimes the job involves “taking out” someone who is essentially good. So, if you have a conscience at all, this is probably not the job for you. In the real-world of assassins, the competition is pretty stiff. So are the bodies you leave behind. Follow these steps to learn more.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Acquiring the Skills

1. Learn to speak several languages fluently. If you are language-challenged, recruit a sidekick translator in the other country.

2. Buy a big gun or two and practice using them. Preferably at moving targets, not just the some lined up beer cans. Go with the laser sight and silencer options--this isn’t a time to cut corners.

3. Know how to sneak into countries undetected. Assassinations are all about timing. You'll need to be there when you say you’ll be there.

4. Get in shape. You never know when you might have to overpower the ever-present guard. Most bad guys these days have training in martial arts. You probably should, too.

Writing a Resume

5. Detail your weaponry expertise. Shooting a gun is a given, so set yourself apart. The ability to concoct a good poison is always highly regarded, as are bomb-making skills.

6. Outline your educational background including militant training and clandestine operations. If you were blindfolded on the way to the training base, it’s OK to use “in the Arabian desert somewhere” for the address.

7. Mention awards and honors. Obviously "Sharpshooter of the Year" is not worth mentioning for the average “bomb under the guy’s car” job.

Developing a Secret Identity

8. Guarantee longevity in this profession by obscuring what you do with a legitimate profession. Choose something that offers plenty of oversees travel opportunities so you can “kill two birds with one stone” and not have to use up all your vacation time executing people.

9. Keep a spouse and kids out of the picture whenever possible. Frankly, they ask too many questions.

10. Skip the flashy car. Sure that works in the James Bond movies; but his car has working gadgets that yours doesn't.

11. Develop at least one good source for “fake papers.” Only have several sets of passports and credit cards if you can keep multiple identities straight. Disguises are a good idea if you can remember to pack that sort of thing.

Getting Clients

12. Find a country that has unpopular political figures, needs help toppling a regime, or has revolutionary leaders that are becoming too powerful, and so forth.

13. Distribute your resume. You can use a P.O. Box, but untraceable email is definitely the mark of a true professional. A good screen name like “The Jackal” can help make a good first impression.

14. Seek a job as a so called “legal” assassin working for the military or dictator in power. There isn’t as much flexibility with this type of job and it may lack job security, but it is a steady paycheck.

Tips & Warnings

• Encourage repeat business with a "frequent hit" discount card.
• Don’t include assassin wages on your Federal or State Tax Return. Some things are just better left off the record.
• Don’t sign a contract for a hit without getting at least 50 percent up front. Let the client know that you have a “no refund” policy.

Who Can Help Sponsored

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[thore]

on 12/3/2009 In true sport I will have to say nice article. But it would be best served if it was said 1) Long distance shots are not am mature it actually takes alot of skill that the average person may not have, equations and adjustments are only a couple of them. 2) Crazy, this can get you killed more than assist. You should be more methodical, calm and collected. 3) This career path is not glamour or fascinating thing like the movies. The up-close and personal tactics brought up most persons cant do, you will never forget the eyes.(but in some cases its a must) But what ever path you choose remember Do it better than the next person and never leave anything unfinished...

[amej]

on 11/9/2009 thank for the information..its better to me not to work on a Government. I'll kill them.

[theviper]

on 10/30/2009 well do to recent activity in my life im ready to kill im only 18 but im bad ass with knifes close combat u know where can i get some cool ass gear and some ppl who could hook me up with gear. I am wanting to become an assassin to change the world and help the poor countries or the poor middle class and lower class im not evil in any way but i am crazy i am going to take over the world so ;) my e-mail is [e-mail]

[kgarrett1965]

on 10/26/2009 If this was real it would not be on a public forun second reson being get a big gun an ammature uses a big gun from a long disstance use a small caliber up close and personal a knife or garrot other opsions a cocktail of snake venoms three or more would be my choise a cytotxic & phosphodiesterases & phospholipase A2 and a transdermal agent people who use hand lotions are easy or a needle if need be there are a whole gamet toxins and poisons to choose from If it were me I would choose to work for the US goverment .

[strikecommander]

on 10/23/2009 I have to say weldone, however there are a few things you have left out. For instance you cant just walk out and buy a gun. for 1 you need funding, a gun license then you need to find a supplier. You also need the trainig. I do have the know how for I work with a small Orginization called the IESA and you need alot of ork before you go out and pick your targets. So to anbody who would like to know more on how to become an assassin please contact me at [e-mail]
and no sorry the IESA is not hiring however we are looking for joint operations with other orginizations so assassintrain if you are for real with this reply the message merc
Thank you all for your time