How to Communicate Effectively With Children

Effective communication encourages positive behaviors.

"Seek first to understand, not to be understood." This quote, author unknown, sums up the key to working with children. Limited experiences, language and understanding of their world can make it difficult for children to communicate effectively their needs, wants, concerns and ideas. You can bridge that communication gap by fostering effective communication. As effective communication is the key to compliance, performance, learning and creativity, you will be supporting success on many levels.

Things You'll Need

• A desire to put the child's self interest first, even if that means setting aside old, ingrained habits.

Instructions

1. Take cues from the child regarding appropriate volume, pace, activities, personal space and the use of nonverbal communication. J.M. Sattler, in "Assessment of Children," stated that "tact, diplomacy, ingenuity, patience, understanding, warmth, and respect" are necessary for successful interactions with children. The American Academy of Pediatrics supports such behaviors and recommends "the use of silence to allow for the processing of emotional responses." Demonstrate respect by letting the child define the boundaries of the interaction; in time, the child will respect you.

2. Employ active listening, which calls heavily upon nonverbal communication and plays a crucial role in communicating effectively with children. Active listening engages the eyes, ears, memory, hands, body posture and facial expression; it requires the emotional tools of empathy, patience and encouragement. Children are fast readers of body language; a smile does not cover disinterest, frustration, boredom or a desire to "just hurry up." Additionally, some children prefer to communicate by using only nonverbal means, which should not be discounted as less important.

3. 

   Humor always helps.

   Go play! Play is the tool that children use to explore their world. "The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play." By Arnold J. Toynbee's standards, children accomplish magnificent feats every day. Games of pretend stretch the imagination and explore feelings and viewpoints; construction activities and puzzles sharpen visuospatial awareness and visual perception; physical games challenge the body; and board games promote rule-following and problem-solving. Joining a child in play --- regardless of his age or activity --- not only helps him to explore his world but also tells him that he is worth the time you invest.

4. Provide explanations of why --- not just how --- when teaching any skill. This advice comes from M.G. Winner, nationally known teacher to those with social cognitive deficits. Unlike those sine functions in high school that most of us doubted we would ever use beyond our math class, skills taught with a purpose are more likely to stick. Winner also reminds us to inject humor whenever possible, which is sensible when you consider that frustration is the antithesis of learning.

5. End your time together on a positive note. Just as young children have difficulty measuring the passing of time, teens often lack the perspective to recognize the bigger picture of interactions and relationships. Whether it is coloring a picture together or playing a round of laser tag, this final positive activity provides a springboard for future interactions. Any activity providing a "saver item" is a plus, as the child has tangible proof and a reminder of the time he spent with you.

Tips & Warnings

• Effective communication starts with the source: provide yourself adequate sleep, leisure activities, exercise and a healthy diet, including lots of water. Feeling refreshed allows you to better focus on the child, instead of concentrating on your unmet needs.

• Realize that some children may be dealing with less than ideal situations unbeknown to you. Your best efforts might fail if the child is confronting private issues; however, the interaction might be a positive moment for the child. Just remember: it is not personal.

References

• Assessment of Children: Administering Tests to Children; J.M. Sattler; 2001
• Inside Out: What Makes a Person With Social Cognitive Disorder Tick?; M.G. Winner; 2006
• Finding the Work You Love: Quotes Worth Quoting
• 101 More Play Therapy Techniques; H.G. Kaduson, C.E. Schaefer; 2000
• American Academy of Pediatrics; Communicating With Children and Families: From Everyday Interactions to Skill in Conveying Distressing Information; Marcia Levetown, MD, and the Committee on Bioethics

Resources

• American Academy of Pediatrics
• National Association of School Psychologists