How to Tell Your Wife You’ve Had an Affair

An affair can blight the trust that you and your wife have developed in your marriage over the years. So do secrets and lies. While all situations will be different, here are some general steps on how to tell your wife you’ve had an affair.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Honesty
• Remorse

1. End the affair. Your spouse is your life-partner, and the affair was just a spontaneous fling. You can’t throw away years of love for a one-night stand.
2. Let her know that you had an affair. Tell your wife that the affair is over, and that you regret it.
3. Say you are sorry, and mean it. You have to truly show remorse about what you have done.
4. Answer any questions she might have, even if they involve details. Sometimes knowing exactly what went on helps your spouse come to terms with your affair.
5. Be prepared to answer why the affair happened. If your affair came about as a result of some of your needs not being met, say so, but be as tactful as possible about it.
6. Let her know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are willing to work through this. Prove it with actions, not just words.
7. Wait for forgiveness. This could take a while.

Tips & Warnings

• If you don’t feel remorse about your affair, maybe your relationship with your wife needs to end.
• It’s natural for you to shy away from the details of an affair; it is just as natural for your wife to get at those details. She is trying to answer why this happened.
• Time must pass before forgiveness will come, but you may need to say enough is enough at some point.
• Don’t give gifts to apologize. The next time you give your wife a gift, she will be thinking “Now what did you do?”
• Take some time before you tell your wife to determine why the affair happened.