How to Pick the Super Bowl Winner Every Time

Looking to make a few extra bucks when you bet on the Super Bowl? Follow these steps to find your winning strategy.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Figure out which team will score more points than the other team. That's the winner of every Super Bowl. This is a crucial trend to follow.
2. In games between teams with animal mascots, choose the larger, stronger animal. Of course, a little raven could never beat a bear.
3. Flip a coin. This doesn't work every time, but it should work about half the time. That's more than most politicians work.
4. If the Bills or Vikings (combined 0-8 in the big game historically) make the Super Bowl, bet on the other team. If they play each other, bet on a tie.
5. If one of the team has a seriously injured quarterback, bet on the other team. If you’d like one of the teams to have a seriously injured quarterback, I know a guy in Jersey who works cheaply, if you know what I mean. Bada-bing, bada-boom.
6. Bet on the team with the cooler uniforms. Sure, this isn’t a reliable gambling strategy, but doesn’t fashion sense count for something?
7. Bet big money on both teams. What a thrill to win—and lose—fifty grand on that last-second field goal!

Tips & Warnings

• Bet every cent you have on the game. That way you can plead bankruptcy if you lose!