How to Discourage Temper Tantrums

A tantrum is a natural way for a young child to experiment with feelings. But you can take some steps to help her work through frustration and bring emotions like anger under control.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Colored Markers
• Poster Boards

1. Set a good example. If you act aggressively when you are frustrated or angry, it is only natural for your child to react the same way when faced with the same emotions. Try to remain calm and neutral in voice and posture when dealing with tantrums or other frustrating situations.
2. Talk openly about your emotions. Say things like, 'Mommy gets angry when you throw your food on the floor. I get frustrated when you throw your toys around the room. It looks messy and is more work for me. I feel sad and angry when you yell at me and call me names.' Teach your child how to express feelings verbally by expressing yours.
3. Observe your child. If you see a tantrum coming on, go and sit near your child. Ask whether something is bothering her and whether you can help in some way. Helping your child learn to work through a problem is a valuable lesson.
4. Once a tantrum gets started, try to ignore it. If your child is not a threat to herself or others, let her work through the anger or frustration. By ignoring the tantrum, you are telling your child that you are not interested in the behavior.
5. Resist the urge to reason with your child. Your child is very preoccupied with emotions and can't listen to or comprehend reason.
6. Remind your child, in a friendly, uncritical voice, of the appropriate response. Say things like, 'I know you are angry. Let's try again. Why don't you take your toy to your room to be alone? You can be angry and cry, but you cannot hit.'
7. Try not to give in. If your child is throwing a tantrum because you took something or said no, giving in to your child's demands will encourage more tantrums in the future.
8. Remove your child from the room if necessary. Especially if you are in a public place, sometimes your child needs a quiet or empty room to work through frustration or anger.
9. If ignoring the tantrum isn't working or isn't an option, try distracting your child with another toy or activity. Because young children have naturally short attention spans, redirection is an effective way to draw attention away from a frustrating activity and channel energy into a more constructive activity.

Tips & Warnings

• Praise your child often for good behavior.
• Keep behavior charts for older children. Teach your child to monitor and control behavior by marking charts and setting behavior goals.
• Keep track of your child's tantrums, and try to eliminate or reduce the occurrence of situations that bring on a tantrum.
• It is natural at times for a parent to feel frustrated or angry when a child has a tantrum. If you experience extreme frustration or anger when trying to discipline your child, however, consult your family doctor or another health care professional.