How to Identify a Spousal Batterer

Although a spousal batterer is most often a man, it can also be a woman. Look for the following signs if you suspect that someone is abusing his or her spouse.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Look to see if he or she isolates the spouse from friends and family.

2. Make note if he or she calls their spouse degrading or hurtful names.

3. Watch out for signs of cruelty and/or abuse towards animals or children.

4. Notice if this person denies his/her anger at the same time that he/she displays signs of it. They may also be unwilling to admit or discuss their problems.

5. Keep your eyes open for an out of control temper, indicated by anger triggered by a small thing or event.

6. Make note if he/she gets easily defensive, or hears criticism when it's not meant that way.

7. Consider his/her childhood. People who have grown up in abusive households are more likely to take abusive action towards their own family.

8. Look into his or her background, keeping your eyes open for police reports by old boyfriends/girlfriends, and for a criminal record in general.

9. Remember that an absence of long-term, close relationships of any kind may be a sign of personal instability.

Tips & Warnings

• An abusive relationship is often characterized by the following cycle. First things are calm. Suddenly, an event triggers anger or violence, followed by a "honeymoon" with apologies, claims to change, agreeing to go to counseling, or gift giving. Things become calm again and the cycle repeats itself.
• Alcohol and drug use may be a part of the cycle of battery. An addiction to either, however, is no excuse for abuse of any kind.
• Be careful when around the person you suspecting to be the batterer. Avoid situations where you will be alone with him/her and their spouse. If you find yourself in a threatening situation, or if you witness any kind of abuse, call 911 for your safety and theirs.

[sausolitog]

on 8/16/2009 Senior citizens can be abusive also. And use their age as a crush. I will be returning back to california.
And a person who batters women can hide themselves for a very long time. Before you realize what you have gotten yourself into. And I mean years until they feel that you are in love with them they will hide their true selves.

[grimsleygl]

on 6/10/2009 Thank you for writing this article. I just wrote a simular one and some of the points I had are the same as yours. There is truth in confirmation and I hope and pray that those reading this that are in the prison of an abusive relationship (be it verbally abusive, sexual or otherwise physical) will see the " writing on the wall" and protect themselves from futher degrading acts from the very ones who claim to "love" them! 5*'s

[fubbill]

on 5/5/2009 http://www.wcpo.com/content/news/fresh/story/3-Officers-Injured-While-Running-Down-Suspect/YeLwSjtYok2lV3aAarf5Hg.cspx?p=Comments

[Djtdt]

on 4/13/2009 WTF?.ITS EASY TO get rid of a spousal batterer.Just lock whoever is hurting you in a small room,and throw 1 or 2 motovol cocktails in there. its very simple.

[mfahrney]

on 4/3/2009 This is so sad, but it is in so many woman's lives...