How to Get Your Partner to Open Up

Talk to your partner in a comfortable environment.

Open communication and honesty between partners is essential in a healthy relationship. If you feel your partner is not open with you, she may need your help improving her trust or communication skills. Although it may be difficult to engage in a serious, emotional conversation with someone who is resistant, addressing the issue with her is the best thing you can do for the future of your relationship.

Instructions

1. Explain your concerns to your partner using gentle terms that are not accusatory. For example, tell your partner that you are worried because you do not feel he shares his concerns and feelings with you as much as you feel is healthy for your relationship. Tell him that you are not criticizing him but merely want to know how he feels about the situation.

2. Ask your partner if there is anything you can do to make opening up easier for him. For example, if you betrayed his trust in the past, express your remorse and acknowledge that this may impact his ability to communicate openly. Accepting responsibility and letting him know that he is not undergoing this struggle alone will make the process easier for him.

3. Establish trust. If you are a new couple, your partner may need time to feel comfortable opening up to you. Make every effort possible to demonstrate to her that you are worthy of her trust; for example, keep her secrets, confide in her and exhibit reliability.

4. Move slowly as you encourage your partner to indulge in more honest and open communication. Forcing him to move at a faster pace than he is comfortable with will only damage progress that you have made. Patience is essential in helping your partner reach a point where he can communicate openly without feeling vulnerable or pressured.

Tips & Warnings

• If your partner's inability to open up stems from a traumatic emotional experience, she may benefit from speaking with a mental health care professional. You can attend couple's counseling to work on openness and communication or you can suggest that she talk to someone independently about issues from her past or concerns about the future that she may not yet feel comfortable sharing with you.

References

• Depression Guide: How to Get Your Spouse or Partner to Open Up
• Effective Communicating: Communicating With Your Spouse
• Mining for Gold Marriage: How to Get Your Man to Open Up and Talk to You

Resources

• "Communication: Key to Your Marriage"; H. Norman Wright; 2000