How Does Anger Affect Relationships?

Anger as an Emotion

Anger is a powerful emotion that has the potential to manifest itself in a violent or destructive way. It can range from a small annoyance to a potent rage. In humans, anger manifests itself through facial expressions, rapid heartbeat and a strong flow of adrenaline. In certain cases, anger can lead to a form of aggression. Some anger can be positive in that it can increase the odds of survival, especially when a person feels threatened by an outside force. Another positive outcome of feeling anger is that it can lead a person to stand up against a social injustice. However, it is when anger becomes uncontrollable that it has the potential to negatively affect a person, his immediate surroundings and the people he loves.

Anger in Relationships

Uncontrollable anger or rage almost always has a negative effect on all types of human relationships: romantic, platonic and familial. A person who cannot control or abate his anger will lash out at family members and friends by yelling or cursing. In some extreme cases, uncontrollable anger can lead to aggressive and violent behavior such as physical abuse on one's spouse and children. An angry person often loses his rationality, sympathy and self-control.

Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family summarizes the effect that anger has on relationships: "Anger erodes relationships; it resides deep in a person's soul, affecting reactions, the ability to love and even physical health." In fact, the stress caused by anger can slowly deteriorate the physical health of everyone involved in the situation.

When the anger a person feels manifests itself into aggression, it can cause a rift between family members and friends. In many cases, if the anger is not treated by some form of therapy, a relationship between individuals can become irreversibly damaged and broken. According to psychologists Susie and Otto Collins, "The situation becomes too much of a hot potato and is never talked about again, and therefore, never resolved." The person feeling the anger cannot control his aggression and his lashing out at a loved one causes the other person to withdraw from the situation as a form of protection. Unfortunately, this withdrawal may often be permanent and necessary.

Long-lasting Effects

Serious difficulty with controlling or coping with one's anger can have long-lasting effects on the individual. It may keep the person from ever developing and maintaining a positive relationship with another individual. It may keep the person from experiencing love, sympathy or friendship. People with anger issues are often made to seek out ways of managing their anger through therapy such as meeting with a psychologist or talking about their emotions in a group setting. Susie and Otto Collins also state that "Whether you are the 'angry' partner or not, be open to searching underneath your behavior for any fears or unmet needs and wants." It is important that any problems with anger be dealt with immediately to prevent a lifelong inability to cope rationally with the emotion of anger...and to prevent it from harming loved ones.

Resources

• Anger Management Tips
• Susie and Otto Collins' Advice
• Focus on the Family