Romancing the Home

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Couples complain about reduced intimacy, but once you look deeper, you'll see that their bedrooms are cluttered or turned into spaces for their kids.

— Barbara Jonas, co-author of "The Book of Love, Laughter & Romance"

Cleanliness is Next to Romance

Many people try to escape their homes to create the feeling of romance. But that suggests that the feeling doesn't exist in their homes---that their dwelling is simply a place to come home after work, to unload groceries, to go to bed. This is a fundamental issue with relationships every day, not just on Valentine's Day.

"The idea is to walk into a sanctuary, not a storage shed," said Barbara Jonas, co-author with husband Michael of "The Book of Love, Laughter & Romance." "Couples complain about reduced intimacy, but once you look deeper, you'll see that their bedrooms are cluttered or turned into spaces for their kids."

Do you feel as if you come home to a romantic escape? If not, it's time to pay attention to all the rooms in the house, not just the bedroom.

Romance starts at the front door, and couples should take a good look at what they see when they walk into their homes, urge the Jonases, who also created the Time for Two romance game series and website.

"As a busy mom, you're often stressed and tired and feel like you and your home are a mess, but the key to a romantic home is a clean home," said Jessica Denay, a cleaning expert, Procter & Gamble spokeswoman and author of "The Hot Mom's Handbook: Laugh and Feel Great from Playdate to Date Night."

"Don't spend too much time perfecting the scene," she added, "But do pick up newspapers, shoes and clothes, and quickly dust and sweep to create sleek, shiny surfaces that reflect low light and ensure you look your glowing best."

A mood is set simply by cleaning the house, which itself alters the feel of the space. Then, Denay says, "put on something that makes you feel great, turn down the lights, put on the tunes and wait for the evening to begin."

Adding Color to Add Intimacy

If you can't modify the whole house, focus on a room. Oftentimes, a strategically placed oversized mirror can alter the dimensions of a room. A different paint color on the walls---even just an accent wall---can change the complexity of a room. But red isn't the only color of romance, and even the most color-challenged person can create a romantic haven, whether with paint or an accessory.

"Peach-tinted mirrors hide a multitude of sins and make anyone look attractive," said Time for Two's Michael Jonas.

Though such a mirror will soften wrinkles, peach walls won't necessarily have the same effect, said Mary Lawlor, color stylist with Kelly-Moore Paints. "You need some drama for a romantic setting, so go for what I call a genderless color from the violet family, or choose deeper browns, smoky grays with a purple cast or reds," Lawlor advised. "A deep red, not flashy red, casts a bit of pink to enhance any skin tone."

Khaki is another romantic yet neutral paint color, according to Sabrina Soto, interior designer and HGTV host, especially when it's kicked up with accessories.

"Build the room by adding accessories like pillows and vases that are purple, plum, raspberry or chocolate," said Soto. "These are examples of dark, rich colors that appeal to the senses of both men and women."

For more conservative romantics, Lawlor suggested painting one wall a dramatic color. But, "for the adventurous, paint an entire room a darker color," she said. "Darker colors may make a room feel smaller and cozier, but isn't that what invites intimacy?"

Creating a Private Space

Indeed, changing the color of a room can change the mood, but solutions don't have to be so permanent. After all, the aim is one of intimacy and privacy. Altering the existing pieces in a room can have a dramatic effect, too. A simple place to start is with the lighting.

"Harsh overhead lighting makes a romantic room look stark and uninviting," Soto said. "Try table lamps with dimmers to create a warm, luxurious room." Similarly, utilize a fireplace if a room has one. But lighting alone won't necessarily convey intimacy. You need to define the privacy, as well.

Sometimes this means locking doors to close off access to other areas of the house. But other options can me more transformative. Take a tip from dorm residents---relative experts at carving out private nooks with limited space---and hang fabric from ceiling to floor to redefine the parameters of a room. Rearrange furniture into an L shape or a square. Bringing the focus inward from the exterior boundaries of a room draws a sense of closeness.

In this case, actual size doesn't matter, but atmosphere does. The more a space pulls you to its center, the more intimate the feeling. Even large rooms can convey this if properly approached. Keep in mind, however, that the "clean" rule still applies. Don't let clutter create the proximity. These should be clean perspectives on space, which could mean temporarily moving smaller items off of shelves and table tops. That also means pulling the plug on the television.

A TV invites others into a space, and the noise is intrusive. Even the presence of a television, shut off as it may be, can represent those things.

"We have been told [by people we meet] that the number one way to rekindle a romance is to turn off the television," said Michael Jonas of Time for Two. "Shutting it off opens up the space and time for other, more intimate activities."

Keeping the Kids at Bay

Time for two can be tough with children in the house. And though no furniture rearrangement can quiet the kids, there are tricks to settle them down during intimate moments.

"To keep little ones from invading private time, set them up in a den or basement with their own activities, like books, movies or even craft projects," said Jessica Denay, author of "The Hot Mom's Handbook: Moms Have More Fun!" and frequent network television commentator. "For instance, ask your kids to create a mural drawing for you and your loved one by taping butcher paper to the wall and having them go to town with crayons and markers. This will keep them occupied for hours, and with a task in mind, they won't even dream of bothering you."

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