Jewish Burial and Grieving

Jewish graves in Jerusalem.

Jewish burial and grieving are characterized by a brief but intense mourning process, followed by a gradual reintegration into normal society. After ensuring that the deceased person is appropriately prepared for burial (a cleansing and purification process called "taharah") and the ceremonies are performed at the graveside, mourners are required to undergo a week-long regimen of self-denial during which they receive support from the community. This period is called "sitting shiva" as the mourners are required to sit on low chairs for seven ("shiva") days.

The Mourners

Although an entire community may participate in the mourning process, the rituals of mourning are specifically reserved for seven closest relatives to the deceased: father, mother, spouse, siblings, sons and daughters. These individuals are required to sit shiva; all others (including grandchildren, close friends, etc.) participate by comforting the mourners and attending to their needs. This is considered a good deed ("mitsvah") of a very high order.

The Taharah Process

The mourners are required to provide the deceased with the appropriate preparation for burial, known as a taharah. The local Jewish burial society ("hevra kadisha"), usually composed of specially trained volunteers, is appointed to ritually wash then dress the deceased in burial shrouds, then place the body in a plain wooden casket. Ideally, a member of the burial society is appointed to remain with the deceased at all times until the burial is complete.

Burial

At the graveside, the mourners perform a ritual tearing of their clothing called "kriyah," and the "kaddish" prayer is recited for the first time (it is traditionally recited by the mourners or their representatives at several times a day for up to 11 months). It is considered appropriate for the people present (although not the mourners themselves) to physically bury the body; at a traditional funeral, several shovels are provided so that those who have come to pay their last respects may silently take turns with this somber task.

Sitting Shiva

The mourners return home to begin sitting shiva. All mirrors in the home are covered, and the mourners sit in specially designed low chairs (or sit on traditional sofas with the cushions removed). Guests who come to comfort the mourners do not initiate greetings, but merely sit down (on regular chairs) and wait for the mourner to initiate the conversation, which should appropriately be in memory of the deceased. Food is provided for the mourners, but leftovers are not taken out of the house. Upon departing the home, visitors stand and address the mourners with the phrase "may the Omnipresent comfort you along with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."

After Shiva

At the end of the week-long shiva process (which is interrupted, and sometimes even ended early, by the Sabbath and any intervening Jewish holidays), the mourners are escorted on a symbolic walk outside the home. They then return to their normal daily routine although with some restrictions on behavior: men do not shave for 30 days, and in the case of the loss of a parent, mourners do not attend celebrations where live music is played for one year.

References

• The Jewish Federations of North America: Jewish Funeral Customs
• Jewish Funerals
• Aish: ABCs of Death & Mourning
• Chabad: The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning

Resources

• Jewish Funeral Directors of America