What Is the Difference Between Friendship & Love?
The scenario is common. You meet people you can relate to. This person seems to intricately understand who you are, and you become fast friends. Occasionally, when friends have shared time and experience, they begin to feel enamored with one another. This is why the labels of love and friendship are important. Confusing romantic love with friendship may result in hurt feelings, and the end of a meaningful relationship. Neglect these amorous feelings, and an opportunity for true love may be lost. Thankfully, there are clues that help us sort out ambiguous feelings of love and friendship.
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Friendship Defined
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Friendship is the name for non-romantic love. Merriam Webster defines a friend as a "...person attached to another by affection or esteem." This could describe a true friend, a boss, or even a lover. The etymology of the word "friend" blurs this fine line further. The word is ultimately derived from the Old English frēon, to love. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy website declares that the nature of friendship involves mutual caring, intimacy and shared activity that is not romantic.
Love Defined
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There are three distinct types of love. Ancient Greek philosophers named these types of love agape, philia, and eros. Agape describes an innate love of humanity. An example of agape would be an infants natural affection towards its mother. Philia describes an appreciation for another person. Familial devotion is an example of philia. Eros, the root word for erotic, on the other hand, describes sexual, passionate and romantic love.
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Differentiating
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If you find yourself having erotic feelings for your friend, ask yourself what is driving the emotion. If your friend is satisfying emotional needs, or needs stemming from low self-esteem, it is natural to interpret the resulting emotion as erotic love. John Lee, in his 1976 book "Love Styles" calls this dynamic "Mania".
Some people make a decision to fall in love when they realize the object of their affection could be socially or financially beneficial. Lee called this dynamic "Progma". Lasting love has no ulterior motives.
Evaluate your friendship and decide what exactly you are getting out of it, and if it is emotionally healthy. If you find your feelings are driven by a healthy combination of agape, philia and eros, you may be in love with your friend.
Sexuality
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Romantic feelings for friends of the same gender is common, and does not necessarily indicate homosexuality. Sexuality is on a continuum. The common labels today are straight, gay or bisexual when the truth is that everyone experiences feelings associated with each of these labels.
Unless you are an open and confident gay or bisexual person, same-sex crushes are most often driven by "mania." The erotic feelings stem from your friend's ability to fill emotional needs.
The Gamble
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Unfortunately, the decision to pursue romantic love with your friend is your own. There are three possible results. The feelings may not be reciprocated, and the relationship may become awkward. The feelings may be stemming from insecurity, and the friendship could become unhealthy. Finally, the feelings could be real, and the relationship could be beautiful and lasting.
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References
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- Photo Credit holding hands image by Jale Evsen Duran from Fotolia.com
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I'm confused
