How to Cope With Living With Relatives
Learning to live with relatives is necessary if you are living with parents or grandparents in times of economic uncertainty, caring for an elderly or disabled family member or offering your own home to family members in need of help. Family conflicts will arise from unclear emotional and physical boundaries and the individual struggles each person faces. Coping with family in a healthy manner requires examination of the issue and effective communication skills, which can improve the situation for everyone.
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Instructions
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Examine the patterns of behavior within your family. A strict home environment forces individuals to conform to standards with which they may disagree, whereas an "anything goes" environment can leave individuals feeling helpless to control anything. Virginia Tech notes that these dynamics can influence a person's reactions and the relationships between family members.
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Schedule a family meeting, and discuss your observations of the home environment with them, but frame it in a positive manner. Tell them that you wish to improve the situation for everyone, refrain from criticizing any specific individuals, and ask them to identify areas within relationships and household functions that need improvement.
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Ask each family member what she can do to improve any areas of conflict, and discuss a fair division of chores and responsibilities. Some family members may not be receptive to your ideas, but you may still benefit from knowing that you communicated your thoughts and attempted a healthy resolution.
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Examine the source of your personal discomfort. Perhaps you feel like a burden to your family or feel violated by their use of your personal possessions. Focus on improvement of your self-esteem and contributions to the family if the source is internal.
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Establish boundaries with your family members if the source of your discomfort is external. Use "I-statements" to discuss boundaries, such as "I feel my belongings should stay in my room unless I give permission for someone to use them." Avoid use of "You-statements," because they can increase conflict.
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Identify your short- and long-term goals of living with family, and create a written set of steps to achievement of those goals. Perhaps you wish to move into your own home within one year---note the steps you must take to accomplish this, and focus on those steps as you work to improve your living situation.
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Contact a therapist for help with any emotional or familial problems, and ask your family to join you in therapy if it can improve the situation. Remember that the only control you have is over yourself---do not take personal responsibility for the actions and behaviors of your family members.
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