How to Deal With A Twilight Fanatic

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By Beckybugg
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Twilight Movie Edward Cullen

Twilight, the first book in a series by Stephanie Meyer, now made into a movie, has become all the rage with people of all age groups. Many people have become obsessed to the point of frenzy. This is an article that helps you deal with your friends, family, and coworkers that may have gone off the Twilight deep end.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Patience and Determination

Step 1

Twilight Movie image provided by http://natasha-hc.livejournal.com

No matter what, the first step here is to remind yourself that this is a phase. No matter how much the Twilight crazed person in your life claims to be in love with the novel, movie, or Edward Cullen himself, they will get over it.
Step 2

Gently remind your friend, coworker, family member or loved one that no matter how much they may love the story, Twilight is fiction. Try injecting gentle phrases such as, "Well, I can see how a movie could..." or "The book is rather..." or "I'm sure many teenagers find it fun" or even "For a fictional story...". If they're super obsessed, try "You know it's fiction right?"
Step 3

Do not try to take any Twilight materials away from the obsessed individual. This will result in extreme agitation on their part and may even lead to physical damage to your person. Those obsessed with Twilight will have no problem attacking you for their books, movie tickets, magazine articles, or discarded rubbish they pulled out of Robert Pattinson's trash.
Step 4

Try, if you can, to hide any and all shimmer powder, light shades of base, body glitter, or white make-up. The obsessed fan my try to make him or herself look like a vampire. Remember, Twilight vampires glitter in sunshine, hence the need to remove all body glitter and shimmer powder. The world does not need more glittering day-light loving vampires. We're fine with our night-time-only-sleep-in-a-coffin bloodsuckers thank you very much.
Step 5

In keeping with the previous step, it may behoove you to remove any objects that can be used for filing from the obsessed one. These things, such as nail files, over time, can be used to file down the canine teeth to appear more vampire-like.
Step 6

Also, and this is perhaps the most important, try to keep your Twilight obsessed loved one from attempting to hunt bears like Edward Cullen. It will be difficult. It may be risky, but the life of your loved one depends on it.
Step 7

Try your hardest to accept the obsession. It is a force beyond our control. We who are not obsessed by Twilight are seen as uncool or incomplete or possibly even nerds. In truth, some of us just prefer to have vampires be horrible monsters that like to kill people for fun, the way Stephen King would've intended. So, keep strong, stay diligent, and, if necessary, hide.

Comments

mistyrayne said

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on 9/16/2009 #6 is wrong, but thanx for sharing, made me a laugh :D

jacegalloway said

on 7/27/2009 Thank you, this this brightened my day a little!

mew964 said

on 7/15/2009 i hope this works
i will end up killing myself
i try not to make Twilight exist in my world but people keep bringing it back into my life.