How to Pretend Your Pillow is Your Man

You've just experienced a breakup and you aren't ready to venture out there yet. Maybe your man is overseas and you miss him. Do you find sleeping in that bed alone is overwhelming? Here are some tips to help you deal with those feelings and overcome them without settling for mediocrity in men.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A nice fluffy pillow
• Body pillows are best
• An imagination for dialogue
• A sense of humor

1. Begin with freshly laundered sheets. Nothing distracts from a night with your paramour more than sheets that don't feel fresh. After all, you wouldn't go on a date without bathing, so why would you settle for less in your bedroom?
2. A glass of wine and a hot bubble bath sets the ambiance. Candles add to the mood. Why not set the stage for some romance with your love interest? Scented candles are best for this.
3. Lay in the bed and pull your pillow next to you so that the pillow is vertical. Get to know your pillow. Generate a discussion with the pillow. Pretend it's your husband, boyfriend, lover and confidant. Practice romantic speeches you would say to those people and don't be bashful, tell that pillow everything that pours out of your heart. If you are angry, glare at the pillow. Tell that bag of feathers exactly what's on your mind. Wave your forefinger at it for emphasis.
4. If you have no man in your life, create one in your imagination. Does Brad Pitt do it for you? Voila! He's right there in front of you. Now, tell Angelina to butt out, he's yours! If you have another pillow you can pretend it's Angelina and smack it. Setting the stage for competition makes the pillow so much more desirable. Stage arguments with both pillows and then make up with one. Stare into his eyes and tell him how you've longed to bed down with him and how thrilled you now have the opportunity to do so. Offer a triumphant smile to the other pillow to show you've taken her man away.
5. Fall asleep in his arms. Feel him spooning against you and enjoy it. Don't let anyone come between you and your pillow. After all, he's safe, doesn't talk back unless you stage the conversation, and he's non judgmental. He won't leave the toilet seat up, complain about that burnt roast you made for dinner, or ask you to iron his pillowcase. Be careful! You may find you prefer the pillow to the real deal!

Tips & Warnings

• If you have pets, don't allow them to get between you and your pillow.
• You can also dine with your pillow if you set him in a chair at the table.
• Feel free to be who you are. This guy won't give you grief when you wear that face mask, or wash the make up off.
• Don't let your pillow interfere with potential relationships.
• If you do, you've gone over the top...seek help...you've crossed mental health lines.