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Step 1
Be hot. This really should go without saying. If you are over 300 pounds and bald, you have no business documenting your escapades. Keep it in the dark, please.
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Step 2
Get an infrared camera. Artificial lighting is a cruel beast, so invest in an infrared camera that can catch you in the act when all the lights are out. You and your lover will be forever documented in the lovely green glow that's befitting of aliens and B-rated porn stars.
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Step 3
Create plausible deniability. You never know when your video may be leaked to the press (or your coworkers), so you need to take out a bit of insurance against the unthinkable. Get a henna tattoo on the small of your back or wear a wig. That way, if the tape does get out, you can deny that it's you.
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Step 4
Keep quiet. No one makes a sex tape for the dialog, so don't even bother. The less talking you do, the less likely anyone is to trace the video back to you.
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Step 5
Ignore the camera. Sex tapes are all about voyeuristic adventure, so don't ruin the mood by looking directly into the camera. Sure, you spent hours setting up the camera angle and shaving your nether regions, but pretend like it's a spur-of-the-moment thing.
