How to Focus on the Marriage and Not Just the Wedding

Pick up a bridal magazine and you'll find dozens of articles about gowns, cakes, flowers and all kinds of material things you can buy for your wedding. What you rarely see are articles that offer you advice about spending the rest of your life with someone. There's so much hype and expectations surrounding weddings that it's easy to set aside serious thoughts about preparing yourself for a healthy marriage.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Make your engagement period as short as possible. A long engagement will give you too much time to obsess about whether the flower arrangements will be perfect and other trivial details.
2. Spend lots of time together before the wedding. Try not to talk too much about your wedding plans.
3. Talk often with your partner about your future together. Discuss your living habits, dreams, future plans, and quirks. As much as you can, negotiate problems now before they occur. For example, if one partner wants two children and the other wants four, agree that three will be a good compromise. If one of you likes loud colors and the other likes bland colors like black and gray, figure out some colors that you both like (like dark green) so that decorating your home won't be a nightmare later.
4. Talk seriously about finances. Make all necessary financial arrangements, such as a joint bank account and a will. If your finances are complicated, meet with a financial advisor. Don't forget that a marriage is a financial merge as well as a familial one.
5. Talk with couples you admire who have been married happily for years. Find out what works for them, and discuss this with your partner. If you feel comfortable, ask them for advice about conflicts.
6. Research the topic of healthy marriages. visit the library and browse the Internet for reliable sources. Discuss your findings with your partner.
7. Consider premarital counseling. Some religious institutions (like the Catholic church) offer premarital workshops for couples. Secular counseling is available as well.

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