Etiquette for Wedding Regrets

Send your regrets as soon as you know you cannot attend.

Regardless of your response, replying promptly to a wedding invitation is important because the bride and groom have to give a headcount to their caterer and other vendors. Typically, your wedding invitation will include a response card with a pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope. Drop your regrets in the mail as soon as you know you cannot attend the wedding to give the bride and groom ample time to plan.

When to Respond

Use the wedding invitation as your guide---it should indicate when the bride and groom need your response. Respond as soon as you know you cannot attend and no later than the response date. Consider mailing time---don't mail the response card on the day it is due.

How to Respond

Follow the response guidelines on the invitation. For wedding invitations, you will likely need to fill out a response card marking that you will not attend and put it in the mail. Often, you need to write your name---and your guest's name---on the response card. If the bride and groom use a more modern form of RSVP, like email, then you can send your regrets electronically. Feel free to write a note of congratulations on the response card or in the email, giving the couple your best wishes.

Gift Giving

Guests who do not attend the wedding do not have to give a gift, according to Brides.com. However, consider sending a card offering your congratulations. If you are close to the couple and feel inclined to give a gift, then you can send them a gift from their registry or include a monetary gift inside the card.

Changing Response

According to The Emily Post Institute, changing your response from a "no" to a "yes" is acceptable only when the hosts can accommodate you. If you want to change your RSVP before the response deadline, the bride and groom will probably be pleased to hear about your change of plans. However, if the response deadline has passed, the couple might not be able to accommodate your change of plans.

Late Cancellations

Unless you experience an emergency, do not give the couple last-minute notice that you will not attend. However, if a conflict prevents you from attending after you replied "yes," notify the bride right away. According to Brides.com, most couples have until a week before the wedding to change their headcount. You don't want the couple to pay for your meal if you aren't going to attend.

References

• Brides.com: Top 10 Guest Questions
• The Emily Post Institute: Invitation Etiquette