Etiquette for Wedding Greetings

It's not just what you say, its how you say it.

A big part of wedding planning is trying to fit your own tastes as a couple into the cultural norms and traditional customs of getting married. Typically, wedding greetings, be they announcements or invitations are among the more traditional of all wedding elements. Couples struggle to follow proper etiquette in choosing their wording. With the structure of the typical family changing so dramatically over the last century, more wording options have emerged.

History

The invitation helps clarify who exactly the bride and groom are.

Historically, the wording of any wedding greeting was significant, in that it allowed the family of the bride to announce the impending nuptials. It was the family of the bride's responsibility to host the event, and therefore the invitation would come from them. Wedding correspondence was used as a virtual who's who, with the lineage of both parties being included in the body. This was especially helpful in allowing distant relatives to identify just who was getting married.

Proper Etiquette

You've always been his little girl, and your invitations reflect that.

Typically, a wedding invitation or announcement should be worded to indicate the names of the people hosting the event first. Since it is customary for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding, the invitation or announcement should come from them. In that case, proper etiquette dictates that the wedding greeting start off something like this:

"Mr. and Mrs. John James Doe request the honor..."

All names and dates should be written out in their entirety, as should all locations. No abbreviations are allowed.

Alternative Situations

Couples making their own way and paying for their own wedding come first in the wording.

As the average or typical family structure has evolved over the past century, so too have the options for properly wording an invitation. The same basic principles apply, with the names of the individuals paying for the event coming first, however who exactly is paying for the event has changed. If a couple is paying for the event themselves, then the invitation or announcement would come from them directly, with the bride's name coming first, like so:

"Jane Sally Smith and John James Doe request the honor of your presence as they commit themselves to one another..."

It is also proper, if the couple wishes, for them each to identify their parents at this point.

"Mr. John James Doe, son of Mr. and Mrs. James Robert Doe..."

Other Wedding Greetings

Announcements, though not as common, require the same etiquette as invitations.

Similar to wedding invitations, wedding announcements are sent to those people that were not invited to the wedding, to let them know about the nuptials. These greetings can be sent out as early as the day after the wedding. Much like the invitations, the person making the announcement is the one that should come first in the wording. If the parents of the bride paid for the wedding, they would issue the announcement. If the newlyweds paid for their own wedding, the announcement would come from them. If both the bride and groom's parents financed the wedding, then the announcement would come from both families, with the bride's family first, like this:

"Mr. and Mrs. John James Smith and Mr. and Mrs. James John Doe..."

Modern Solutions

At the end of the day, a wedding is about blending two families, and your invitations reflect that.

With so many families having parents and multiple step parents actively involved in the wedding process, many couples are opting for a less wordy alternative to listing out as many as eight different parents' names. Many young couples are choosing to go with the very simple and succinct "Together with their families". This salutation satisfies everyone and insults no one, when it comes to the order or inclusion of names.

References

• Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Wedding Invitation Etiquette
• Invitation Consultants: Invitation Wording Samples
• Southworth: Wedding INvitation Etiquette Guide