Effective Communication When You Are Mad

Anger can be problematic if a person does not make an active effort to control it.

Feelings of anger are not necessarily sinful to feel. However, if these feelings are not handled with care, they can cause harm. As a result, we must learn to practice skills of effective communication when we are mad, in order to nurture meaningful social relationships with others. Instead of letting your anger get the best of you, train yourself to communicate effectively regardless of your emotional condition.

Plan What You Will Say Before Speaking

Simply taking the time to write down what you are going to say when you are angry decreases your chances of saying something that you don't really mean. Much of the damage caused when you are mad arises as a result of the impulsiveness that anger inspires. Planning how you will communicate, if only for brief moments before you speak, may prevent you from making remarks designed to belittle or attack others.

Furthermore, written communication may be a useful way to express yourself if you are involved in a legal conflict with an adversary. Unlike certain spoken statements, written documents are admissible in a court of law. If your letter receives a response, information included in the response may help you to either prove your case or defend yourself against false allegations.

Express Yourself Constructively

One of the best ways to express yourself constructively is to admit responsibility for your feelings. Instead of repressing your anger, acknowledge that you are displeased. If someone has offended you, speak directly with this person and say, "I'd like to talk with you about something that is bothering me." Be polite, and discuss your feelings with the aim of resolving any issues at the root of your feelings.

Other ways to express yourself constructively include counting down from ten until you feel relaxed enough to speak, refraining from verbal attacks, avoiding the assignment of blame and providing solutions to problems, rather than becoming obsessed with the mere existence of the problems.

Acknowledge Opposing Points of View

We often become very stubborn when we are mad. Even if other people try to provide solutions to our problems, or offer wise advice, we may be tempted to discount their input. Nevertheless, if a person hopes to communicate effectively, he should always strive to acknowledge opposing points of view.

You may not be happy with what other people have to say. In fact, you may become even more angry as you listen. However, avoid interrupting as others speak, and listen closely. Sometimes, when we take the time to listen, we begin to realize that others are just as eager to resolve an issue as we are. They may not appear so at first, but if we give them time to speak, they are prone to surprise us.

Furthermore, if you consider opposing points of view, you may realize that they contain elements of value. Often, we jump to conclusions without first considering matters from another perspective. By rethinking situations, we are often able to calm our tempers.

References

• Expressing Anger Constructively
• Managing Workplace Anger

Resources

• Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication
• Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You