Bipolar Disorder & Marriage
For a single person, bipolar disorder can be a devastating diagnosis to live with. Couples who are dealing with the ramifications of bipolar disorder don't have to end up with a broken relationship. If they take some preliminary steps, they can strengthen their marriage.
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Discovering the Problem
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Realizing that your spouse has a mental illness can be very difficult. You have to admit that this person you promised to love and stand by through good times and bad has become someone you don't recognize. You might think that she should just "get over it," get up and get back to being your spouse. Regardless, your marriage is experiencing stresses you never anticipated and you don't know what to do. You don't have to give up on your spouse or your marriage. If you and your spouse take the time to arm yourselves with information and make some decisions before the bad times return, your marriage can survive.
Acceptance
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Whether you meet someone and find out while you are dating that he has bipolar disorder or you have been married before he receives his diagnosis, acceptance is a key factor. Your spouse has to accept that he has an illness just as you have to accept that reality. You both have to accept his behaviors when he is in a manic or depressive phase. That does not mean that you have to allow yourself to be abused, either physically, verbally, emotionally or mentally.
When you see your spouse experiencing a bad depressive or manic phase, you feel empathy for him and you want to help him. If he begins to turn his feelings on you, there may come a time when you experience very negative feelings, such as frustration or anger. You may even feel hate toward him.
Share Responsibility
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Even though she is ill with bipolar disorder, your spouse has to claim some of the responsibility for your relationship and for her illness. If you allow her to shift her responsibility to you, the balance will become very unhealthy and your relationship will suffer. During the times when she is experiencing a bad episode, she cannot carry her share of the responsibility -- temporarily. This is the key to understanding and maintaining a healthy balance in your relationship. When she is healthy, she must resume her share of responsibility for nurturing and maintaining your marriage and her mental health.
When she is healthy, she has to take responsibility for taking her medication(s), exercising, getting sufficient rest and eating nutritious snacks and meals.
Plan Ahead
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Bipolar disorder, like a hurricane, can wreak complete havoc and devastation on your marriage. If your spouse takes your checkbook and wipes your savings out during a manic phase, you already know this. For this reason, both of you should sit down during a calm, healthy phase and make plans for his manic episodes. Take actions such as opening accounts in your name only so you can continue to meet monthly expenses. Consider a temporary power of attorney which gives you the right to make all decisions for your family while your spouse is ill.
Boundaries
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Early on, when you realize the seriousness of your spouse's illness, take the time to establish boundaries. Boundaries are the physical and emotional limits you draw to protect yourself. If you do not draw these boundaries, you will be literally run over by your spouse's bipolar disorder and you will lose yourself.
There will be times when you have to act as protector for your spouse in order to make sure she gets to her appointments or is taking her medications. For this reason, the boundaries you drew four months ago won't fit your situation today. Your boundaries, both emotional and physical, will be dynamic. If there is a time when you have to pull away, even if it feels cruel to do so, go ahead and do it. Your emotional well being during your spouse's illness is very important.
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Comments
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Paul Schwartz
Jan 28, 2011
The most important thing to remember is if a bipolar spouse wont own up to there illness and take responsible action,you then need to keep yourself healthy and move on. My soon to be x,had an affair,lied,stole,abused an elderly woman,gambled,and other dispickbleacts. Sometimes you have no choice but to save yourself.
