- This is something everyone must do. Retaining an attorney will be done by putting down an initial retainer fee, most likely after an initial consultation to fill the attorney in on the basics. The retainer will likely run between 10 percent and 20 percent of the projected costs. Some may require a significantly larger sum to be put into a secured escrow account to be released upon execution of services.
- Deciding who will file to get the legal process started is the next step. From a legal standpoint, it makes no difference. Both parties will still have to prove their cases, and filing or not filing does not offer any legal advantages. It is simply the vehicle by which the process will start. Most of the time, for reasons that are not entirely clear, the female ends up filing.
- Once filing has been considered, the next most contentious issue for couples who have children will be custody. Even for those who agree on custody for the most part, there could be some secondary issues, such as holidays, weekends and summers. There are many resources on child custody available (see Resources). Custody is often determined in two separate stages: temporary custody and permanent custody. Those who want permanent custody should also be fighting for temporary custody, or the other party will have a definite advantage.
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Child support will be paid to the primary caretaker by the other parent in nearly all cases. There is usually little discretion on this as most states determine this by a formula. The formula is based on each parent's income and the number of dependent children who are shared.
Alimony is money paid to an ex-wife for support after the divorce. Palimony is money paid by to the ex-husband after the divorce. Requests for both can be resisted, or at least the amount requested can be negotiated. The court has much more discretion in this area than it does with child support, which makes this issue contentious. - One last issue to consider when looking at divorce is property division. Anything that is owned free and clear is an asset. Anything where money is owed may be considered a liability. Assets and liabilities will be divided on a somewhat equal basis, but true equality is impossible. Both parties should make a list of all assets and liabilities. Thus, when going into negotiations or court, there will be a concrete list to deal with. Many settle these issues out of court, as the prospect of a judge unilaterally making these decisions is often something neither party wants.
