How to Help a Child Mourn the Loss of a Pet

Video Transcript

"Hi, I'm Dr.Laura Grashow, a licensed psychologist with DrGrashow.com. Okay, so let's talk now a little bit now about how to mourn the loss of a pet. The loss of a pet can be a devastating, emotional blow to child. No matter whether it's a frog or a fish or a dog, depending upon how attached emotionally, that child is to the pet, it can really be difficult for them. So the first thing I want to say to parents, is to be kind, supportive, reassuring and patient. Depending upon the age of the child, they're going to process this loss differently. I would say early childhood ages, let's say, three to five, they're really not understanding or aware of the permanence of death. And so they may have ideas about the fact that this pet is going to go on living in heaven or come back, let's say. After that, let's say, ages six to eight for example, kids are getting more realistic, a better understanding of what death really is and that it's permanent. And I would say, at about the age of nine, it's really hitting comb for kids, that death is permanent, and that this beloved pet is absolutely not coming back. And so again, depending upon the age of your child, you're going to get varied responses and different questions. The next thing I want to say to parents, is be prepared, because along with the loss of a pet, can come all kinds of concerns and questions. You may have a child who starts then to feel anxious and worry about future losses. Such as a death of a sibling or maybe even your death. Again, it's important to be honest but to be reassuring and simple in your answers. So you may say to a child, I'm healthy and I expect to live for a very long time, it's not something that you need to worry about right now, and be reassuring. In addition to future worries, then feelings brought on by the loss of a pet can also resurrect old feelings from past losses. So don't be surprised, if then you have a child talking about an earlier loss, once again. And remember again, they now be at a new age and so they're processing it, a new and understanding death differently. And finally, what I want to say is that children are very concrete and it does matter to them, the kind of burial that you want to do or the kind of ritual or ceremony. So let them play a big part in it and put the pet, maybe in a box with some comforting items, it matters a lot to them."