How to Spot a Leo

Video Transcript

"Hi, I'm the Star Goddess, and here's how to spot a Leo. You can spot a Leo cause they're right in the center of the room, standing in the spotlight, brightly regaling tales of glory. They have great personalities, a mane of flowing hair like Bill Clinton, and Monica Lewinsky. They're impeccably dressed in bright, bold colors like red and yellow, much like Hulk Hogan. They usually arrive at a function a few minutes late (Iman the model), and it's not that they can't tell time, they've got a beautiful gold watch, they just want to make sure everybody notices when they walk in the room, and they're not opposed to a drum roll flourish. Both the men and the women have a feline quality to themselves, and they normally wear their hair swept back like a big lion's mane, much like Loni Anderson and Mae West. And some will go so far as to dress in animal prints, emulating their lion totem. They walk into the room like they own the joint, standing straight and tall like Haile Selassie. They are regal kings (Barack Obama and Napoleon) and queens (Madonna) of the zodiac. They truly believe that the sun is the center of the solar system, and since they are ruled by the sun, they think everybody in the world exists to orbit their star and to be darned grateful for the opportunity to do so. They throw the best temper tantrums in the zodiac (Danny Bonaduce), while showing their displeasure, and they'll punish you by removing their glowing presence from your life. So that's how to spot a Leo. It's better living through astrology. I'm Janet Sciales, the Star Goddess."