How to Deal With Ex-Boyfriends

Video Transcript

"Hi my name is Reka Morvay, I'm a psychologist and I'm going to talk to you today about how to deal with ex-boyfriends. Now I don't think that there's any piece of stock advice for how to deal with ex-boyfriends, it all depends on you and your boyfriend and the way in which the relationship ended. Obviously if it ended amicably if you both felt good about the decision to leave the relationship even though it was difficult at the time, that there's absolutely no reason why you can't keep in touch and continue a friendship and reap the benefits of a long relationship where you got to know and you got to be intimate with another person. So it is possible to continue and keep having a positive relationship with an ex-boyfriend. Now if your break up was very ugly or for, it was for abusive reasons or because you just couldn't stand each other anymore, then obviously the best way to deal with an ex-boyfriend is to just not deal with them and try to lead separate lives from that moment on. If you find that your ex-boyfriend is somebody who forcibly wants to keep coming back into your life, it is very, very important to draw your boundaries and communicate them clearly, tell this person what is acceptable for you and what isn't acceptable for you. And if necessary then involve your friends and your family in helping you enforce these boundaries. If you find yourself in a situation where you have to keep seeing the ex-boyfriend even after you broke up, try to remain calm, try to remain impartial, and polite. For example if you share a group of friends or maybe you work together, you will find that it's impossible to completely separate yourself after the break up. Even if you don't get along very well it is possible to keep on polite terms. And maybe you can even discuss it with this person and let them know that you expect certain kind of behavior, you expect some level of civility and some level of politeness. And you can then continue to exist in the same social situation without, without it being too painful for either of you or without it being too disruptive to the group where you either have to work or your group of friends."