Stages of Breaking Up

Video Transcript

"Hi, I'm Beth Patterson. I'm a psychotherapist and grief counselor, and for this segment, we'll be talking about the stages of breaking up and as a grief counselor, I actually look at it very similar to the grief process. There are certain tasks that need to be accomplished for us to successfully grieve, and it's pretty similar for breaking up with someone. So, the first one would be to accept that the relationship is not working. In terms of grief, we talk about that as accepting the reality of the loss. Really allow yourself to know the truth about that. And then this next stage would be to feel your pain, to feel the hard things about breaking up with that person, the things that you're losing. And while you're doing that, be gentle with yourself and to get support. It's a hard stage, certainly, and just remember that feeling is what makes us human. It's OK to feel sad; it's OK to feel angry, to feel guilty, whatever it is you're feeling during this process of the breakup stage. And then the next stage would be to adjust to a new life without that person in your life. So, one thing I always tell my clients, is to maintain your interests. Maintain your friendships. Do the things that are important to you, with or without that person. And it's hard. It's a hard adjustment when that person is no longer in your life. So reach out to people who've been close to you in the past. Maintain your support systems. Don't isolate yourself. And yeah, we know, it's OK to wallow in it a little bit, sure, that's part of the process as well, but don't isolate yourself. It can get unhealthy, so maintain your friendships, and that will help you to adjust to a new life without that person physically in your life. And, the last task or stage of the grief process is one I love, it's called emotionally relocating the person in your heart and moving forward. So it's not much different with a breakup. You don't just stop loving the person, because you did love them. They still have a part in your heart. So, it's OK to keep them in your heart, in a way that'll help you move forward, and once you've gone through those stages, you'll be able to move forward. So, best of luck to you, and hope that's been helpful."