Retirement Speech Attention Getters

"As far as structure goes, writing your speech and delivering your speech, the first thing that should come out of your mouth is what we call an attention getter and what an attention getter does is it gets they're attention. Now this can be a one liner or maybe a joke about yourself and/or the company that you've worked for. Now, it's real important when it comes to jokes, if you're not funny don't tell a joke, but everybody is probably in really good spirits and you're probably really funny so you might want to tell a joke about the company or yourself. It might go something like this: Well, I tell you what I thought the doors would shut down when I announce my retirement here and they didn't, or whatever it is. I can't believe computer technology services is going to keep on going without me or twenty-five years ago when computer technology services changed its name, I really thought they should change their name to me because I've been here for forty-five years, or whatever it is. Make that first statement, but remember keep it light hearted."